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ed854aad GM |
1 | The Free Software Foundation claims no copyright on this file, |
2 | compiled largely from postings to public newsgroups and mailing lists, | |
3 | and the GNU project email archives. | |
4 | ||
5 | ||
a933dad1 DL |
6 | From: Don Chiasson <G.CHIASSON@DREA-XX.ARPA> |
7 | Subject: Some gnu jokes | |
8 | To: jokes@DREA-XX.ARPA, gergely@DREA-XX.ARPA, broome@DREA-XX.ARPA | |
9 | cc: G.CHIASSON@DREA-XX.ARPA | |
10 | Message-ID: <12329394624.13.G.CHIASSON@DREA-XX.ARPA> | |
11 | ||
12 | Richard M. Stallman (RMS, widely known for creating EMACS) is writing | |
13 | a UNIX clone called GNU (which means Gnu's Not Unix--a recursive acronym). | |
14 | This seems to open the way to a whole gnu class of jokes. For example: | |
15 | ||
16 | Q: What do you call a person who hacks while wearing no clothes? | |
17 | A: A gnudist. | |
18 | ||
19 | Q: What do you call an eligible young hacker? | |
20 | A: Gnubile. | |
21 | ||
22 | Q: What is a hacker's favorite candy? | |
23 | A: Gnugat. (Though it contains little gnutrition.) | |
24 | ||
25 | Q: What do you call a computer filled with air? | |
26 | A: Gnumatic. | |
27 | ||
177c0ea7 | 28 | Q: What do you call a novice hacker who keeps pestering you |
a933dad1 DL |
29 | with foolish questions? |
30 | A: A gnuisance. | |
31 | ||
32 | Q: What do you call a subtle, clever hack in the favorite language? | |
33 | A: A gnuanCe. | |
34 | ||
35 | Q: What do you use a supercomputer for? | |
36 | A: Gnumerical analysis. | |
37 | ||
38 | Q: What do you call a hacker who collects coins? | |
39 | A: A gnumismatist. | |
40 | ||
41 | Well, there are more, just too gnumerous to tell all at once. I think | |
42 | I'd better go before someone starts firing gnuclear weapons at me. | |
43 | Don | |
44 | ||
45 | From: patl@athena.mit.edu (Patrick J. LoPresti) | |
46 | Message-ID: <1991Jul11.031731.9260@athena.mit.edu> | |
47 | Sender: news@athena.mit.edu (News system) | |
48 | Subject: The True Path (long) | |
49 | Date: 11 Jul 91 03:17:31 GMT | |
50 | Path: ai-lab!mintaka!olivea!samsung!zaphod.mps.ohio-state.edu!think.com!snorkelwacker.mit.edu!bloom-picayune.mit.edu!athena.mit.edu!patl | |
51 | Newsgroups: alt.religion.emacs,alt.slack | |
52 | Organization: Massachusetts Institute of Technology | |
53 | Lines: 95 | |
54 | Xref: ai-lab alt.religion.emacs:244 alt.slack:1935 | |
55 | ||
56 | When I log into my Xenix system with my 110 baud teletype, both vi | |
57 | *and* Emacs are just too damn slow. They print useless messages like, | |
58 | 'C-h for help' and '"foo" File is read only'. So I use the editor | |
59 | that doesn't waste my VALUABLE time. | |
60 | ||
61 | Ed, man! !man ed | |
62 | ||
63 | ED(1) UNIX Programmer's Manual ED(1) | |
64 | ||
65 | NAME | |
66 | ed - text editor | |
67 | ||
68 | SYNOPSIS | |
69 | ed [ - ] [ -x ] [ name ] | |
70 | DESCRIPTION | |
71 | Ed is the standard text editor. | |
72 | --- | |
73 | ||
74 | Computer Scientists love ed, not just because it comes first | |
75 | alphabetically, but because it's the standard. Everyone else loves ed | |
76 | because it's ED! | |
77 | ||
78 | "Ed is the standard text editor." | |
79 | ||
80 | And ed doesn't waste space on my Timex Sinclair. Just look: | |
81 | ||
82 | -rwxr-xr-x 1 root 24 Oct 29 1929 /bin/ed | |
83 | -rwxr-xr-t 4 root 1310720 Jan 1 1970 /usr/ucb/vi | |
84 | -rwxr-xr-x 1 root 5.89824e37 Oct 22 1990 /usr/bin/emacs | |
85 | ||
86 | Of course, on the system *I* administrate, vi is symlinked to ed. | |
87 | Emacs has been replaced by a shell script which 1) Generates a syslog | |
88 | message at level LOG_EMERG; 2) reduces the user's disk quota by 100K; | |
89 | and 3) RUNS ED!!!!!! | |
90 | ||
91 | "Ed is the standard text editor." | |
92 | ||
93 | Let's look at a typical novice's session with the mighty ed: | |
94 | ||
95 | golem> ed | |
96 | ||
97 | ? | |
98 | help | |
99 | ? | |
100 | ? | |
101 | ? | |
102 | quit | |
103 | ? | |
104 | exit | |
105 | ? | |
106 | bye | |
107 | ? | |
177c0ea7 | 108 | hello? |
a933dad1 DL |
109 | ? |
110 | eat flaming death | |
111 | ? | |
112 | ^C | |
113 | ? | |
114 | ^C | |
115 | ? | |
116 | ^D | |
117 | ? | |
118 | ||
119 | --- | |
120 | Note the consistent user interface and error reportage. Ed is | |
121 | generous enough to flag errors, yet prudent enough not to overwhelm | |
122 | the novice with verbosity. | |
123 | ||
124 | "Ed is the standard text editor." | |
125 | ||
126 | Ed, the greatest WYGIWYG editor of all. | |
127 | ||
128 | ED IS THE TRUE PATH TO NIRVANA! ED HAS BEEN THE CHOICE OF EDUCATED | |
129 | AND IGNORANT ALIKE FOR CENTURIES! ED WILL NOT CORRUPT YOUR PRECIOUS | |
130 | BODILY FLUIDS!! ED IS THE STANDARD TEXT EDITOR! ED MAKES THE SUN | |
131 | SHINE AND THE BIRDS SING AND THE GRASS GREEN!! | |
132 | ||
133 | When I use an editor, I don't want eight extra KILOBYTES of worthless | |
134 | help screens and cursor positioning code! I just want an EDitor!! | |
135 | Not a "viitor". Not a "emacsitor". Those aren't even WORDS!!!! ED! | |
136 | ED! ED IS THE STANDARD!!! | |
137 | ||
138 | TEXT EDITOR. | |
139 | ||
140 | When IBM, in its ever-present omnipotence, needed to base their | |
141 | "edlin" on a UNIX standard, did they mimic vi? No. Emacs? Surely | |
142 | you jest. They chose the most karmic editor of all. The standard. | |
143 | ||
144 | Ed is for those who can *remember* what they are working on. If you | |
145 | are an idiot, you should use Emacs. If you are an Emacs, you should | |
146 | not be vi. If you use ED, you are on THE PATH TO REDEMPTION. THE | |
147 | SO-CALLED "VISUAL" EDITORS HAVE BEEN PLACED HERE BY ED TO TEMPT THE | |
148 | FAITHLESS. DO NOT GIVE IN!!! THE MIGHTY ED HAS SPOKEN!!! | |
149 | ||
150 | ? | |
151 | ||
152 | From: The Unknown User <anonymous@nowhere.uucp> | |
153 | Subject: EMACS -- What does it mean? | |
154 | To: mit-prep!info-gnu-emacs@TOPAZ.RUTGERS.EDU | |
155 | ||
156 | EMACS belongs in <sys/errno.h>: Editor too big! | |
157 | ||
158 | ||
159 | Escape-Meta-Alt-Control-Shift | |
160 | ||
161 | ||
162 | From: harvard!topaz!BLUE!BRAIL@mit-eddie | |
163 | Date: 9 Sep 85 17:25:27 EDT | |
164 | Subject: EMACS -- What does it mean? | |
165 | To: mit-prep!info-gnu-emacs@TOPAZ.RUTGERS.EDU | |
166 | ||
167 | EMACS may stand for "Editing MACroS," but some friends of mine | |
168 | suggested some more creative definitions. Here they are. Anyone have | |
169 | any additions? | |
170 | ||
171 | -------- | |
172 | Eight | |
173 | Megabytes | |
174 | And | |
175 | Constantly | |
176 | Swapping | |
177 | ||
178 | Even a | |
179 | Master of | |
180 | Arts | |
177c0ea7 | 181 | Comes |
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182 | Simpler |
183 | ||
184 | Emacs | |
185 | Manuals | |
177c0ea7 | 186 | Are |
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187 | Cryptic and |
188 | Surreal | |
189 | ||
190 | Energetic | |
191 | Merchants | |
192 | Always | |
193 | Cultivate | |
194 | Sales | |
195 | ||
196 | Each | |
197 | Manual's | |
198 | Audience is | |
199 | Completely | |
8350f087 | 200 | Stupefied |
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201 | |
202 | Emacs | |
203 | Means | |
204 | A | |
205 | Crappy | |
206 | Screen | |
207 | ||
208 | Eventually | |
209 | Munches | |
210 | All | |
211 | Computer | |
212 | Storage | |
213 | ||
177c0ea7 JB |
214 | Even |
215 | My | |
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216 | Aunt |
217 | Crashes the | |
218 | System | |
219 | ||
177c0ea7 | 220 | Eradication of |
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221 | Memory |
222 | Accomplished with | |
223 | Complete | |
224 | Simplicity | |
225 | ||
226 | Elsewhere | |
227 | Maybe | |
228 | Alternative | |
229 | Civilizations | |
230 | Survive | |
231 | ||
232 | Egregious | |
233 | Managers | |
234 | Actively | |
235 | Court | |
236 | Stallman | |
237 | ||
238 | Esoteric | |
239 | Malleability | |
240 | Always | |
241 | Considered | |
242 | Silly | |
243 | ||
244 | Emacs | |
245 | Manuals | |
246 | Always | |
247 | Cause | |
248 | Senility | |
249 | ||
250 | Easily | |
251 | Maintained with the | |
252 | Assistance of | |
253 | Chemical | |
254 | Solutions | |
255 | ||
256 | EMACS | |
257 | MACRO | |
258 | ACTED | |
259 | CREDO | |
260 | SODOM | |
261 | ||
262 | Edwardian | |
263 | Manifestation of | |
264 | All | |
265 | Colonial | |
266 | Sins | |
267 | ||
268 | Generally | |
269 | Not | |
270 | Used | |
271 | ||
272 | Except by | |
273 | Middle | |
274 | Aged | |
275 | Computer | |
276 | Scientists | |
277 | ||
278 | Extended | |
279 | Macros | |
280 | Are | |
281 | Considered | |
282 | Superfluous | |
283 | ||
284 | Every | |
285 | Mode | |
286 | Accelerates | |
287 | Creation of | |
288 | Software | |
289 | ||
290 | Elsewhere | |
291 | Maybe | |
292 | All | |
293 | Commands are | |
294 | Simple | |
295 | ||
296 | Emacs | |
297 | May | |
298 | Allow | |
f13e7f66 | 299 | Customized |
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300 | Screwups |
301 | ||
302 | Excellent | |
303 | Manuals | |
304 | Are | |
305 | Clearly | |
306 | Suppressed | |
307 | ||
308 | Emetic | |
309 | Macros | |
310 | Assault | |
311 | Core and | |
312 | Segmentation | |
313 | ||
314 | Embarrassed | |
315 | Manual-Writer | |
316 | Accused of | |
317 | Communist | |
318 | Subversion | |
319 | ||
177c0ea7 | 320 | Extensibility and |
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321 | Modifiability |
322 | Aggravate | |
323 | Confirmed | |
324 | Simpletons | |
325 | ||
326 | Emacs | |
327 | May | |
328 | Annihilate | |
329 | Command | |
330 | Structures | |
331 | ||
332 | Easily | |
333 | Mangles, | |
334 | Aborts, | |
335 | Crashes and | |
8350f087 | 336 | Stupefies |
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337 | |
338 | Extraneous | |
339 | Macros | |
340 | And | |
341 | Commands | |
342 | Stink | |
343 | ||
344 | Exceptionally | |
345 | Mediocre | |
346 | Algorithm for | |
347 | Computer | |
348 | Scientists | |
349 | ||
350 | EMACS | |
351 | Makes no | |
352 | Allowances | |
353 | Considering its | |
354 | Stiff price | |
355 | ||
356 | Equine | |
357 | Mammals | |
358 | Are | |
359 | Considerably | |
360 | Smaller | |
361 | ||
362 | Embarrassingly | |
363 | Mundane | |
364 | Advertising | |
365 | Cuts | |
366 | Sales | |
367 | ||
368 | Every | |
369 | Moron | |
370 | Assumes | |
371 | CCA is | |
372 | Superior | |
373 | ||
374 | Exceptionally | |
375 | Mediocre | |
376 | Autocratic | |
377 | Control | |
378 | System | |
379 | ||
380 | EMACS | |
381 | May | |
382 | Alienate | |
383 | Clients and | |
384 | Supporters | |
385 | ||
386 | Excavating | |
387 | Mayan | |
388 | Architecture | |
389 | Comes | |
390 | Simpler | |
391 | ||
177c0ea7 | 392 | Erasing |
a933dad1 | 393 | Minds |
177c0ea7 | 394 | Allows |
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395 | Complete |
396 | Submission | |
397 | ||
398 | Every | |
399 | Male | |
400 | Adolescent | |
401 | Craves | |
402 | Sex | |
403 | ||
404 | Elephantine | |
405 | Memory | |
406 | Absolutely | |
407 | Considered | |
408 | Sine que non | |
409 | ||
177c0ea7 | 410 | Emacs |
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411 | Makers |
412 | Are | |
413 | Crazy | |
414 | Sickos | |
415 | ||
416 | Eenie-Meenie-Miney-Mo- | |
417 | Macros | |
418 | Are | |
419 | Completely | |
420 | Slow | |
421 | ||
422 | Experience the | |
423 | Mildest | |
424 | Ad | |
425 | Campaign ever | |
426 | Seen | |
427 | ||
428 | Emacs | |
429 | Makefiles | |
430 | Annihilate | |
431 | C- | |
432 | Shells | |
433 | ||
434 | Eradication of | |
435 | Memory | |
436 | Accomplished with | |
437 | Complete | |
438 | Simplicity | |
439 | ||
440 | Emetic | |
441 | Macros | |
442 | Assault | |
443 | Core and | |
444 | Segmentation | |
445 | ||
446 | Epileptic | |
447 | MLisp | |
448 | Aggravates | |
449 | Compiler | |
450 | Seizures | |
451 | ||
452 | Eleven thousand | |
453 | Monkeys | |
454 | Asynchronously | |
455 | Crank out these | |
456 | Slogans | |
457 | ------- | |
458 | ||
459 | ||
460 | From: ihnss!warren@mit-eddie (Warren Montgomery) | |
461 | Newsgroups: net.emacs | |
462 | Subject: Re: EMACS -- What does it mean? | |
463 | Date: Tue, 10-Sep-85 09:14:24 EDT | |
464 | Organization: AT&T Bell Labs, Naperville, IL | |
465 | Apparently-To: emacs-netnews-distribution@mit-prep | |
466 | ||
467 | Someone at a luncheon suggested it meant: | |
468 | ||
469 | Evenings, | |
470 | Mornings, | |
177c0ea7 | 471 | And a |
a933dad1 DL |
472 | Couple of |
473 | Saturdays | |
474 | ||
475 | (In reference to the odd hours that went into the creation of my | |
476 | implementation). | |
477 | ||
177c0ea7 | 478 | -- |
a933dad1 DL |
479 | |
480 | Warren Montgomery | |
481 | ihnss!warren | |
482 | IH ((312)-979) x2494 | |
483 | ||
484 | Date: Wed, 18 Sep 85 10:11:04 edt | |
485 | From: inmet!tower@inmet.inmet (Leonard H. Tower Jr.) <inmet!tower@cca-unix> | |
486 | Subject: Re: EMACS -- What does it mean? | |
487 | To: tower@MIT-PREP.ARPA | |
488 | ||
489 | Received: by inmet.uucp (4.12/inmet) id AA02199; Wed, 18 Sep 85 09:10:17 edt | |
490 | Date: Wed, 18 Sep 85 09:10:17 edt | |
491 | Message-Id: <8509181310.AA02199@inmet.uucp> | |
492 | Uucp-Paths: {bellcore,ima,ihnp4}!inmet!tower | |
493 | Arpa-Path: ima!inmet!tower@CCA-UNIX.ARPA | |
494 | Organization: Intermetrics, Inc., Cambridge, MA, USA | |
495 | Home: 36 Porter Street, Somerville, MA 02143, USA +1 (617) 623-7739 | |
496 | /* Written 6:48 pm Sep 14, 1985 by gml@ssc-vax in inmet:net.emacs */ | |
497 | /* ---------- "Re: EMACS -- What does it mean?" ---------- */ | |
498 | Pleeeeeeeze!!! Nice try on the meaning of EMACS. I believe the | |
499 | correct acronym is: | |
500 | ||
177c0ea7 | 501 | Emacs |
a933dad1 | 502 | Makes |
177c0ea7 JB |
503 | All |
504 | Computing | |
a933dad1 DL |
505 | Simple |
506 | ||
507 | Thank you, and Good Night | |
508 | /* End of text from inmet:net.emacs */ | |
509 | ||
510 | From: ho95e!wcs@mit-eddie (Bill.Stewart.4K435.x0705) | |
511 | Newsgroups: net.emacs | |
512 | Subject: Re: EMACS -- What does it mean? | |
513 | Date: Thu, 26-Sep-85 21:43:54 EDT | |
514 | Organization: AT&T Bell Labs, Holmdel NJ | |
515 | Apparently-To: emacs-netnews-distribution@mit-prep | |
516 | ||
517 | > > very interesting, but what does GNU stand for ? | |
518 | > GNU = Gnu's Not UNIX. There is also MINCE, for Mince Is Not a Complete Emacs. | |
519 | > More recursive acronyms, anyone? | |
520 | Many people have also seen FINE Is Not Emacs, but the one that has | |
521 | character is THief Isn't Even Fine. | |
177c0ea7 | 522 | -- |
a933dad1 DL |
523 | ## Bill Stewart, AT&T Bell Labs, Holmdel NJ 1-201-949-0705 ihnp4!ho95c!wcs |
524 | ||
525 | Path: mit-eddie!think!harvard!bbnccv!bbncca!linus!decvax!mcnc!ncsu!uvacs!edison!ta2 | |
526 | From: edison!ta2@mit-eddie (tom allebrandi) | |
527 | Newsgroups: net.emacs | |
528 | Subject: Re: Re: EMACS -- What does it mean? | |
529 | Date: Sun, 29-Sep-85 18:11:55 EDT | |
530 | Organization: General Electric's Mountain Resort | |
531 | Apparently-To: emacs-netnews-distribution@mit-prep | |
532 | ||
533 | > GNU = Gnu's Not UNIX. There is also MINCE, for Mince Is Not a Complete Emacs. | |
177c0ea7 | 534 | > |
a933dad1 | 535 | > More recursive acronyms, anyone? |
177c0ea7 | 536 | > |
a933dad1 DL |
537 | |
538 | For the DEC-system-10/20: FINE - Fine Is Not Emacs..... | |
539 | ||
177c0ea7 | 540 | -- |
a933dad1 DL |
541 | ............... |
542 | tom allebrandi 2, general electric aco, charlottesville, va | |
543 | {decvax,duke}!mcnc!ncsu!uvacs!edison!ta2 | |
544 | box 8106, charlottesville, va, 22906 | |
545 | (804) 978-5566 | |
546 | ............... | |
547 | ||
548 | Date: Wed, 16 Oct 85 01:38:12 edt | |
549 | From: inmet!tower (Leonard H. Tower Jr.) <inmet!tower@cca-unix> | |
550 | Subject: more names | |
551 | To: tower@MIT-PREP.ARPA | |
552 | ||
553 | Received: by inmet.uucp (4.12/inmet) id AA12997; Tue, 15 Oct 85 22:31:39 edt | |
554 | Date: Tue, 15 Oct 85 22:31:39 edt | |
555 | Message-Id: <8510160231.AA12997@inmet.uucp> | |
556 | Uucp-Paths: {bellcore,ima,ihnp4}!inmet!tower | |
557 | Arpa-Path: ima!inmet!tower@CCA-UNIX.ARPA | |
558 | Organization: Intermetrics, Inc., Cambridge, MA, USA | |
559 | Home: 36 Porter Street, Somerville, MA 02143, USA +1 (617) 623-7739 | |
560 | /* Written 12:20 pm Oct 14, 1985 by rs@mirror.UUCP in inmet:net.emacs */ | |
561 | ||
562 | ||
563 | SINE: Sine Is Not Emacs | |
564 | (MIT Architecture Machine Group) | |
565 | ||
566 | EINE: Eine is Not Emacs | |
567 | (MIT Lisp Machine) | |
568 | ||
569 | ZWEI: Zwei Was Eine Initially | |
570 | ("rev2" of EINE) | |
571 | ||
572 | -- | |
573 | Rich $alz {mit-eddie, ihnp4!inmet, wjh12, cca, datacube} !mirror!rs | |
574 | Mirror Systems 2067 Massachusetts Ave. | |
575 | 617-661-0777 Cambridge, MA, 02140 | |
576 | /* End of text from inmet:net.emacs */ | |
577 | ||
578 | Path: mit-eddie!genrad!panda!talcott!harvard!seismo!gatech!ulysses!pajb | |
579 | From: ulysses!pajb@mit-eddie (Paul Bennett) | |
580 | Newsgroups: net.emacs | |
581 | Subject: Here we go again ... | |
582 | Date: Sat, 19-Oct-85 17:26:49 EDT | |
583 | Organization: AT&T Bell Laboratories, Murray Hill | |
584 | Apparently-To: emacs-netnews-distribution@mit-prep | |
585 | ||
586 | ||
587 | > EINE: Eine is Not Emacs | |
588 | > (MIT Lisp Machine) | |
589 | > | |
590 | > ZWEI: Zwei Was Eine Initially | |
591 | > ("rev2" of EINE) | |
592 | ||
593 | DREI: DREI - Really Emacs Inside | |
594 | (Exists only in my head) | |
595 | ||
596 | From: friedman@gnu.ai.mit.edu (Noah Friedman) | |
597 | Sender: friedman@gnu.ai.mit.edu | |
598 | To: jimb@gnu.ai.mit.edu, rms@gnu.ai.mit.edu | |
599 | Subject: etc/emacs.names | |
600 | Date: Fri, 9 Oct 92 00:54:57 edt | |
601 | ||
602 | The following should be added: | |
603 | ||
604 | ||
605 | Emacs | |
606 | Makes | |
607 | A | |
608 | Computer | |
609 | Slow | |
610 | ||
611 | From: S_TITZ@iravcl.ira.uka.de (Olaf Titz) | |
612 | Newsgroups: alt.religion.emacs | |
613 | Subject: Re: what emacs stands for | |
614 | Date: 12 Oct 92 19:29:32 GMT | |
615 | ||
616 | Emacs Masquerades As Comfortable Shell | |
617 | Ever Made A Control-key Setup? | |
618 | Emacs: My Alternative Computer Story | |
619 | Emacs Made Almost Completely Screwed | |
620 | (by extensive use of M-x global-unset-key) | |
177c0ea7 | 621 | Emacs Macht Alle Computer Schoen |
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622 | (deutsch) (=Emacs makes all computers beautiful) |
623 | Each Mail A Continued Surprise | |
177c0ea7 | 624 | Every Mode Acknowledges Customized Strokes |
a933dad1 DL |
625 | (keystrokes, of course :-) |
626 | Eating Memory And Cycle-Sucking | |
627 | Everyday Material Almost Compiled Successfully | |
628 | ||
629 | now enough bashing for today :-) | |
630 | ||
631 | ||
632 | From: elvis@gnu.ai.mit.edu | |
633 | To: emacs-19-bugs@gnu.ai.mit.edu | |
634 | Subject: missing from etc/emacs.names | |
635 | Date: Thu, 20 May 93 02:21:27 edt | |
636 | ||
637 | ||
638 | Elvis | |
639 | Masterminds | |
640 | All | |
641 | Computer | |
642 | Software | |
643 | ||
644 | Just so you boys know the score. | |
645 | ||
646 | Thank you very Much, | |
647 | The King |