| 1 | Zippy the pinhead data base. |
| 2 | Everything up to the first ascii \000 (`null') character is a comment. |
| 3 | The file consists of Zippy quotations (from various comic books and |
| 4 | strips by Bill Griffith) followed by a null character. |
| 5 | Newline characters following a quotation are ignored and are present |
| 6 | only for readability. |
| 7 | Have FUN! |
| 8 | This file is currently used by: |
| 9 | * the FORTUNE program on OZ.AI.MIT.EDU |
| 10 | * the M-x yow command in GNU Emacs. |
| 11 | * NIL (MIT Common Lisp)'s debugger |
| 12 | * something Bandy wrote at LLL-CRG.ARPA (fucking death labs). |
| 13 | * Henry's Zippy proxy (http://www.metahtml.com/apps/zippy/) |
| 14 | \0 |
| 15 | A can of ASPARAGUS, 73 pigeons, some LIVE ammo, and a FROZEN DAQUIRI!!\0 |
| 16 | A dwarf is passing out somewhere in Detroit!\0 |
| 17 | A GRAM?? A BRAM... A GROOM... A BROOM... Oh, Yeh!! Wash the |
| 18 | ROOM!!\0 |
| 19 | ...A housewife is wearing a polypyrene jumpsuit!!\0 |
| 20 | A shapely CATHOLIC SCHOOLGIRL is FIDGETING inside my costume..\0 |
| 21 | A wide-eyed, innocent UNICORN, poised delicately in a MEADOW filled with |
| 22 | LILACS, LOLLIPOPS & small CHILDREN at the HUSH of twilight??\0 |
| 23 | Actually, what I'd like is a little toy spaceship!!\0 |
| 24 | After this, I'm going to BURN some RUBBER!!\0 |
| 25 | After THIS, let's go to PHILADELPHIA and have TRIPLETS!!\0 |
| 26 | AIEEEEE! I am having an UNDULATING EXPERIENCE!\0 |
| 27 | ALFRED JARRY! Say something about th' DEATH of DISCO!!\0 |
| 28 | All I can think of is a platter of organic PRUNE CRISPS being trampled |
| 29 | by an army of swarthy, Italian LOUNGE SINGERS...\0 |
| 30 | All of a sudden, I want to THROW OVER my promising ACTING CAREER, |
| 31 | grow a LONG BLACK BEARD and wear a BASEBALL HAT!! |
| 32 | ... Although I don't know WHY!!\0 |
| 33 | All of life is a blur of Republicans and meat!\0 |
| 34 | All right, you degenerates! I want this place evacuated in 20 seconds!\0 |
| 35 | All this time I've been VIEWING a RUSSIAN MIDGET SODOMIZE a HOUSECAT!\0 |
| 36 | Alright, you!! Imitate a WOUNDED SEAL pleading for a PARKING SPACE!!\0 |
| 37 | Am I accompanied by a PARENT or GUARDIAN?\0 |
| 38 | Am I elected yet?\0 |
| 39 | ..Am I in a SOAP OPERA??\0 |
| 40 | Am I in GRADUATE SCHOOL yet?\0 |
| 41 | Am I SHOPLIFTING?\0 |
| 42 | America!! I saw it all!! Vomiting! Waving! JERRY FALWELLING into |
| 43 | your void tube of UHF oblivion!! SAFEWAY of the mind --\0 |
| 44 | An air of FRENCH FRIES permeates my nostrils!!\0 |
| 45 | An INK-LING? Sure -- TAKE one!! Did you BUY any COMMUNIST UNIFORMS??\0 |
| 46 | An Italian is COMBING his hair in suburban DES MOINES!\0 |
| 47 | And furthermore, my bowling average is unimpeachable!!!\0 |
| 48 | ANN JILLIAN'S HAIR makes LONI ANDERSON'S HAIR look like |
| 49 | RICARDO MONTALBAN'S HAIR!\0 |
| 50 | Are BOTH T.V.S on??\0 |
| 51 | .. are the STEWED PRUNES still in the HAIR DRYER?\0 |
| 52 | ..Are we having FUN yet...?\0 |
| 53 | Are we live or on tape?\0 |
| 54 | Are we on STRIKE yet?\0 |
| 55 | Are we THERE yet?\0 |
| 56 | Are we THERE yet? My MIND is a SUBMARINE!!\0 |
| 57 | Are we THERE yet?!\0 |
| 58 | Are we THERE yet??\0 |
| 59 | Are you guys lined up for the METHADONE PROGRAM or FOOD STAMPS??\0 |
| 60 | Are you mentally here at Pizza Hut??\0 |
| 61 | Are you selling NYLON OIL WELLS?? If so, we can use TWO DOZEN!!\0 |
| 62 | Are you still an ALCOHOLIC?\0 |
| 63 | Are you still SEXUALLY ACTIVE? Did you BRING th' REINFORCEMENTS?\0 |
| 64 | As a FAD follower, my BEVERAGE choices are rich and fulfilling!\0 |
| 65 | As President I have to go vacuum my coin collection!\0 |
| 66 | Ask me the DIFFERENCE between PHIL SILVERS and ALEXANDER HAIG!!\0 |
| 67 | Awright, which one of you hid my PENIS ENVY?\0 |
| 68 | Bagels...\0 |
| 69 | BARBARA STANWYCK makes me nervous!!\0 |
| 70 | Barbie says, Take quaaludes in gin and go to a disco right away! |
| 71 | But Ken says, WOO-WOO!! No credit at ``Mr. Liquor''!!\0 |
| 72 | BARRY.. That was the most HEART-WARMING rendition of |
| 73 | ``I DID IT MY WAY'' I've ever heard!!\0 |
| 74 | BEEP-BEEP!! I'm a '49 STUDEBAKER!!\0 |
| 75 | Being a BALD HERO is almost as FESTIVE as a TATTOOED KNOCKWURST.\0 |
| 76 | BELA LUGOSI is my co-pilot..\0 |
| 77 | BI-BI-BI-BI-BI-BI-BI-BI-BI-BI-BI-BI-BI-BI-BI-BI-BI-BI-BI-BI-BI-BI-BI-BI-BI-BI-\0 |
| 78 | ... Blame it on the BOSSA NOVA!!!\0 |
| 79 | .. bleakness.... desolation.... plastic forks...\0 |
| 80 | Bo Derek ruined my life!\0 |
| 81 | Boy, am I glad it's only 1971...\0 |
| 82 | Boys, you have ALL been selected to LEAVE th' PLANET in 15 minutes!!\0 |
| 83 | BRYLCREAM is CREAM O' WHEAT in another DIMENSION..\0 |
| 84 | But was he mature enough last night at the lesbian masquerade?\0 |
| 85 | By MEER biz doo SCHOIN..\0 |
| 86 | C'MON, everybody!! I've flown in LESLIE GORE and two dozen KOSHER |
| 87 | BUTCHERS! They'll be doing intricate MILITARY MANEUVERS to the |
| 88 | soundtrack from "OKLAHOMA"!!\0 |
| 89 | CALIFORNIA is where people from IOWA or NEW YORK go to subscribe to |
| 90 | CABLE TELEVISION!!\0 |
| 91 | Can I have an IMPULSE ITEM instead?\0 |
| 92 | Can you MAIL a BEAN CAKE?\0 |
| 93 | Catsup and Mustard all over the place! It's the Human Hamburger!\0 |
| 94 | CHUBBY CHECKER just had a CHICKEN SANDWICH in downtown DULUTH!\0 |
| 95 | CHUBBY CHECKER owns my BUILDING!\0 |
| 96 | Civilization is fun! Anyway, it keeps me busy!!\0 |
| 97 | Clear the laundromat!! This whirl-o-matic just had a nuclear meltdown!!\0 |
| 98 | Concentrate on th'cute, li'l CARTOON GUYS! |
| 99 | Remember the SERIAL NUMBERS!! Follow the WHIPPLE AVE EXIT!! |
| 100 | Have a FREE PEPSI!! Turn LEFT at th'HOLIDAY INN!! |
| 101 | JOIN the CREDIT WORLD!! MAKE me an OFFER!!!\0 |
| 102 | CONGRATULATIONS! Now should I make thinly veiled comments about |
| 103 | DIGNITY, self-esteem and finding TRUE FUN in your RIGHT VENTRICLE??\0 |
| 104 | Content: 80% POLYESTER, 20% DACRON.. The waitress's |
| 105 | UNIFORM sheds TARTAR SAUCE like an 8'' by 10'' GLOSSY..\0 |
| 106 | Could I have a drug overdose?\0 |
| 107 | "DARK SHADOWS" is on!! Hey, I think the VAMPIRE forgot his UMBRELLA!!\0 |
| 108 | Darling, my ELBOW is FLYING over FRANKFURT, Germany..\0 |
| 109 | Dehydrated EGGS are STREWN across ROULETTE TABLES..\0 |
| 110 | Did an Italian CRANE OPERATOR just experience uninhibited sensations |
| 111 | in a MALIBU HOT TUB?\0 |
| 112 | Did I do an INCORRECT THING??\0 |
| 113 | Did I say I was a sardine? Or a bus???\0 |
| 114 | Did I SELL OUT yet??\0 |
| 115 | Did we bring enough BEEF JERKY?\0 |
| 116 | Did YOU find a DIGITAL WATCH in YOUR box of VELVEETA?\0 |
| 117 | Did you GAIN WEIGHT in th' past 5 MINUTES or am I just DREAMING of two |
| 118 | BROCCOLI FLORETS lying in an empty GAS TANK?\0 |
| 119 | Did you move a lot of KOREAN STEAK KNIVES this trip, Dingy?\0 |
| 120 | DIDI... is that a MARTIAN name, or, are we in ISRAEL?\0 |
| 121 | Didn't I buy a 1951 Packard from you last March in Cairo?\0 |
| 122 | Didn't KIERKEGAARD wear out his TIRES in VIENNA during a SNOWSTORM of |
| 123 | FREUD's unpaid DENTAL BILLS?\0 |
| 124 | Disco oil bussing will create a throbbing naugahide pipeline running |
| 125 | straight to the tropics from the rug producing regions |
| 126 | and devalue the dollar!\0 |
| 127 | Dizzy, are we "REAL PEOPLE" or "AMAZING ANIMALS"?\0 |
| 128 | Do I have a lifestyle yet?\0 |
| 129 | Do I hear th' SPINNING of various WHIRRING, ROUND, and WARM |
| 130 | WHIRLOMATICS?!\0 |
| 131 | Do you guys know we just passed thru a BLACK HOLE in space?\0 |
| 132 | Do you have exactly what I want in a plaid poindexter bar bat??\0 |
| 133 | .. Do you like ``TENDER VITTLES?''?\0 |
| 134 | Do you need any MOUTH-TO-MOUTH resuscitation?\0 |
| 135 | Do you think the ``Monkees'' should get gas on odd or even days?\0 |
| 136 | Does someone from PEORIA have a SHORTER ATTENTION span than me?\0 |
| 137 | Does that mean I'm not a well-adjusted person??\0 |
| 138 | .. does your DRESSING ROOM have enough ASPARAGUS?\0 |
| 139 | DON'T go!! I'm not HOWARD COSELL!! I know POLISH JOKES... WAIT!! |
| 140 | Don't go!! I AM Howard Cosell!... And I DON'T know Polish jokes!!\0 |
| 141 | Don't hit me!! I'm in the Twilight Zone!!!\0 |
| 142 | Don't SANFORIZE me!!\0 |
| 143 | Don't worry, nobody really LISTENS to lectures in MOSCOW, either! |
| 144 | .. FRENCH, HISTORY, ADVANCED CALCULUS, COMPUTER PROGRAMMING, |
| 145 | BLACK STUDIES, SOCIOBIOLOGY!.. Are there any QUESTIONS??\0 |
| 146 | Edwin Meese made me wear CORDOVANS!!\0 |
| 147 | Eisenhower!! Your mimeograph machine upsets my stomach!!\0 |
| 148 | Either CONFESS now or we go to ``PEOPLE'S COURT''!!\0 |
| 149 | Everybody gets free BORSCHT!\0 |
| 150 | Everybody is going somewhere!! It's probably a garage sale |
| 151 | or a disaster Movie!!\0 |
| 152 | ..Everything is....FLIPPING AROUND!!\0 |
| 153 | Everything will be ALL RIGHT if we can just remember things about |
| 154 | ALGEBRA.. or SOCCER.. or SOCIALISM..\0 |
| 155 | Everywhere I look I see NEGATIVITY and ASPHALT...\0 |
| 156 | Excuse me, but didn't I tell you there's NO HOPE for the |
| 157 | survival of OFFSET PRINTING?\0 |
| 158 | FEELINGS are cascading over me!!!\0 |
| 159 | Feel th' WHIRLING BUFFERS buffing away all that stress... |
| 160 | Years of ROAD TAR gently washing away...\0 |
| 161 | Finally, Zippy drives his 1958 RAMBLER METROPOLITAN into the |
| 162 | faculty dining room.\0 |
| 163 | FIRST, I was in a TRUCK...THEN, I was in a DINER...\0 |
| 164 | FIRST, I'm covering you with OLIVE OIL and PRUNE WHIP!!\0 |
| 165 | First, I'm going to give you all the ANSWERS to today's test.. |
| 166 | So just plug in your SONY WALKMANS and relax!!\0 |
| 167 | FISH-NET-FISH-NET-FISH-NET-FISH-NET-FISH!!\0 |
| 168 | Fold, fold, FOLD!! FOLDING many items!!\0 |
| 169 | FOOLED you! Absorb EGO SHATTERING impulse rays, polyester poltroon!!\0 |
| 170 | Four thousand different MAGNATES, MOGULS & NABOBS are romping in my |
| 171 | gothic solarium!!\0 |
| 172 | FROZEN ENTREES may be flung by members of opposing SWANSON SECTS..\0 |
| 173 | FUN is never having to say you're SUSHI!!\0 |
| 174 | Gee, I feel kind of LIGHT in the head now, knowing I can't make |
| 175 | my satellite dish PAYMENTS!\0 |
| 176 | ...Get me a GIN and TONIC!!...make it HAIR TONIC!!\0 |
| 177 | Gibble, Gobble, we ACCEPT YOU ---\0 |
| 178 | Give them RADAR-GUIDED SKEE-BALL LANES and VELVEETA BURRITOS!!\0 |
| 179 | Go on, EMOTE! I was RAISED on thought balloons!!\0 |
| 180 | GOOD-NIGHT, everybody.. Now I have to go administer FIRST-AID |
| 181 | to my pet LEISURE SUIT!!\0 |
| 182 | Ha ha Ha ha Ha ha Ha Ha Ha Ha -- When will I EVER stop HAVING |
| 183 | FUN?!!\0 |
| 184 | HAIR TONICS, please!!\0 |
| 185 | Half a mind is a terrible thing to waste!\0 |
| 186 | Hand me a pair of leather pants and a CASIO keyboard |
| 187 | -- I'm living for today!\0 |
| 188 | Has everybody got HALVAH spread all over their ANKLES??... |
| 189 | Now, it's time to ``HAVE A NAGEELA''!!\0 |
| 190 | Have my two-tone, 1958 Nash METRO brought around..\0 |
| 191 | .. he dominates the DECADENT SUBWAY SCENE.\0 |
| 192 | He is the MELBA-BEING... the ANGEL CAKE... |
| 193 | XEROX him... XEROX him --\0 |
| 194 | He probably just wants to take over my CELLS and then EXPLODE |
| 195 | inside me like a BARREL of runny CHOPPED LIVER! Or maybe he'd |
| 196 | like to PSYCHOLOGICALLY TERRORIZE ME until I have no objection |
| 197 | to a RIGHT-WING MILITARY TAKEOVER of my apartment!! I guess |
| 198 | I should call AL PACINO!\0 |
| 199 | HELLO KITTY gang terrorizes town, family STICKERED to death!\0 |
| 200 | HELLO, everybody, I'm a HUMAN!!\0 |
| 201 | Hello, GORRY-O!! I'm a GENIUS from HARVARD!!\0 |
| 202 | HELLO, little boys! Gimme a MINT TULIP!! Let's do the BOSSA NOVA!!\0 |
| 203 | --Hello, POLICE? I"ve got ABBOTT & COSTELLO here on suspicion of |
| 204 | HIGHWAY ROBBERY!!\0 |
| 205 | Hello. I know the divorce rate among unmarried Catholic |
| 206 | Alaskan females!!\0 |
| 207 | Hello. Just walk along and try NOT to think about your |
| 208 | INTESTINES being almost FORTY YARDS LONG!!\0 |
| 209 | Hello... IRON CURTAIN? Send over a SAUSAGE PIZZA! |
| 210 | World War III? No thanks!\0 |
| 211 | Hello? Enema Bondage? I'm calling because I want to be happy, I guess..\0 |
| 212 | Here I am at the flea market but nobody is buying |
| 213 | my urine sample bottles..\0 |
| 214 | .. here I am in 53 B.C. and all I want is a dill pickle!!\0 |
| 215 | Here I am in the POSTERIOR OLFACTORY LOBULE but I don't see CARL SAGAN |
| 216 | anywhere!!\0 |
| 217 | Here is my refrigerator full of FLANK STEAK...and over there is my |
| 218 | UPHOLSTERED CANOE...I don't know WHY I OWN them!!\0 |
| 219 | Here we are in America... when do we collect unemployment?\0 |
| 220 | HERE!! Put THIS on!! I'm in CHARGE!!\0 |
| 221 | Hey!! Let's watch the' ELEVATOR go UP and DOWN at th' HILTON HOTEL!!\0 |
| 222 | Hey, I LIKE that POINT!!\0 |
| 223 | Hey, LOOK!! A pair of SIZE 9 CAPRI PANTS!! They probably belong to |
| 224 | SAMMY DAVIS, JR.!!\0 |
| 225 | Hey, wait a minute!! I want a divorce!!.. you're not Clint Eastwood!!\0 |
| 226 | Hey, waiter! I want a NEW SHIRT and a PONY TAIL with lemon sauce!\0 |
| 227 | Hiccuping & trembling into the WASTE DUMPS of New Jersey like some |
| 228 | drunken CABBAGE PATCH DOLL, coughing in line at FIORUCCI'S!!\0 |
| 229 | Hmmm.. a CRIPPLED ACCOUNTANT with a FALAFEL sandwich is HIT |
| 230 | by a TROLLEY-CAR..\0 |
| 231 | Hmmm.. A hash-singer and a cross-eyed guy were SLEEPING on a deserted |
| 232 | island, when...\0 |
| 233 | Hmmm... a PINHEAD, during an EARTHQUAKE, encounters an ALL-MIDGET FIDDLE |
| 234 | ORCHESTRA... ha.. ha..\0 |
| 235 | Hmmm... an arrogant bouquet with a subtle suggestion of |
| 236 | POLYVINYL CHLORIDE...\0 |
| 237 | ..Hmmm...This thing is really VIBRATING! ..It's getting WARM, too!\0 |
| 238 | Hold the MAYO & pass the COSMIC AWARENESS...\0 |
| 239 | HOORAY, Ronald!! Now YOU can marry LINDA RONSTADT too!!\0 |
| 240 | HOW could a GLASS be YELLING??\0 |
| 241 | How do I get HOME?\0 |
| 242 | How do you explain Wayne Newton's POWER over millions? |
| 243 | It's th' MOUSTACHE... Have you ever noticed th' way it radiates |
| 244 | SINCERITY, HONESTY & WARMTH? It's a MOUSTACHE you want to take |
| 245 | HOME and introduce to NANCY SINATRA!\0 |
| 246 | How many retired bricklayers from FLORIDA are out purchasing |
| 247 | PENCIL SHARPENERS right NOW??\0 |
| 248 | How's it going in those MODULAR LOVE UNITS??\0 |
| 249 | How's the wife? Is she at home enjoying capitalism?\0 |
| 250 | .. hubub, hubub, HUBUB, hubub, hubub, hubub, HUBUB, hubub, hubub, hubub.\0 |
| 251 | HUGH BEAUMONT died in 1982!!\0 |
| 252 | HUMAN REPLICAS are inserted into VATS of NUTRITIONAL YEAST...\0 |
| 253 | Hydraulic pizza oven!! Guided missile! Herring sandwich! Styrofoam! |
| 254 | Jayne Mansfield! Aluminum siding! Borax! Pedal pushers! Jukebox!\0 |
| 255 | I always have fun because I'm out of my mind!!!\0 |
| 256 | I always liked FLAG DAY!!\0 |
| 257 | I always wanted a NOSE JOB!!\0 |
| 258 | I am a jelly donut. I am a jelly donut.\0 |
| 259 | I am a traffic light, and Alan Ginsberg kidnapped my laundry in 1927!\0 |
| 260 | I am covered with pure vegetable oil and I am writing a best seller!\0 |
| 261 | I am deeply CONCERNED and I want something GOOD for BREAKFAST!\0 |
| 262 | I am having a CONCEPTION--\0 |
| 263 | I am having a pleasant time!!\0 |
| 264 | I am having FUN... I wonder if it's NET FUN or GROSS FUN?\0 |
| 265 | I am KING BOMBA of Sicily!..I will marry LUCILLE BALL next Friday!\0 |
| 266 | I am NOT a nut....\0 |
| 267 | I appoint you ambassador to Fantasy Island!!!\0 |
| 268 | I brought my BOWLING BALL - and some DRUGS!!\0 |
| 269 | I call it a "SARDINE ON WHEAT"!\0 |
| 270 | -- I can do ANYTHING ... I can even ... SHOPLIFT!!\0 |
| 271 | I can see you GUYS an' GALS need a LOT of HELP...You're all very |
| 272 | STUPID!! I used to be STUPID, too..before I started watching UHF-TV!!\0 |
| 273 | I can't decide which WRONG TURN to make first!! |
| 274 | I wonder if BOB GUCCIONE has these problems!\0 |
| 275 | I can't think about that. It doesn't go with HEDGES in the shape of |
| 276 | LITTLE LULU -- or ROBOTS making BRICKS...\0 |
| 277 | I decided to be JOHN TRAVOLTA instead!!\0 |
| 278 | I demand IMPUNITY!\0 |
| 279 | I didn't order any WOO-WOO... Maybe a YUBBA.. But no WOO-WOO!\0 |
| 280 | I don't believe there really IS a GAS SHORTAGE.. I think it's all |
| 281 | just a BIG HOAX on the part of the plastic sign salesmen-- |
| 282 | .. to sell more numbers!!\0 |
| 283 | .. I don't know why but, suddenly, I want to discuss declining I.Q. |
| 284 | LEVELS with a blue ribbon SENATE SUB-COMMITTEE!\0 |
| 285 | I don't know WHY I said that.. I think it came from the FILLINGS |
| 286 | in my rear molars..\0 |
| 287 | I don't think you fellows would do so much RAPING and PILLAGING if you |
| 288 | played more PINBALL and watched CABLE TELEVISION!!\0 |
| 289 | .. I don't understand the HUMOR of the THREE STOOGES!!\0 |
| 290 | I feel better about world problems now!\0 |
| 291 | I feel like a wet parking meter on Darvon!\0 |
| 292 | I feel like I am sharing a ``CORN-DOG'' with NIKITA KHRUSCHEV..\0 |
| 293 | I feel like I'm in a Toilet Bowl with a thumbtack in my forehead!!\0 |
| 294 | I feel partially hydrogenated!\0 |
| 295 | I feel real SOPHISTICATED being in FRANCE!\0 |
| 296 | .. I feel.. JUGULAR..\0 |
| 297 | I fill MY industrial waste containers with old copies |
| 298 | of the ``WATCHTOWER'' and then add HAWAIIAN PUNCH to |
| 299 | the top.. They look NICE in the yard--\0 |
| 300 | I FORGOT to do the DISHES!!\0 |
| 301 | I guess it was all a DREAM.. or an episode of HAWAII FIVE-O...\0 |
| 302 | I guess we can live on his POT FARM in HADES!!\0 |
| 303 | I guess you guys got BIG MUSCLES from doing too much STUDYING!\0 |
| 304 | I had a lease on an OEDIPUS COMPLEX back in '81...\0 |
| 305 | I had pancake makeup for brunch!\0 |
| 306 | I have a TINY BOWL in my HEAD\0 |
| 307 | I HAVE a towel.\0 |
| 308 | I have a very good DENTAL PLAN. Thank you.\0 |
| 309 | .. I have a VISION! It's a RANCID double-FISHWICH on an ENRICHED BUN!!\0 |
| 310 | I have accepted Provolone into my life!\0 |
| 311 | I have many CHARTS and DIAGRAMS..\0 |
| 312 | I have no actual hairline...\0 |
| 313 | I have nostalgia for the late Sixties! In 1969 I left my laundry with |
| 314 | a hippie!! During an unauthorized Tupperware party it was chopped & |
| 315 | diced!\0 |
| 316 | --- I have seen the FUN ---\0 |
| 317 | I have seen these EGG EXTENDERS in my Supermarket.. |
| 318 | .. I have read the INSTRUCTIONS...\0 |
| 319 | I have the power to HALT PRODUCTION on all TEENAGE SEX COMEDIES!!\0 |
| 320 | I HAVE to buy a new ``DODGE MISER'' and two dozen JORDACHE |
| 321 | JEANS because my viewscreen is ``USER-FRIENDLY''!!\0 |
| 322 | I haven't been married in over six years, but we had sexual counseling |
| 323 | every day from Oral Roberts!!\0 |
| 324 | I HIJACKED a 747 to get here!! I hope those fabulous CONEHEADS are at HOME!!\0 |
| 325 | I hope I bought the right relish... zzzzzzzzz...\0 |
| 326 | I hope something GOOD came in the mail today so I have |
| 327 | a REASON to live!!\0 |
| 328 | I hope the ``Eurythmics'' practice birth control...\0 |
| 329 | I hope you millionaires are having fun! I just invested half |
| 330 | your life savings in yeast!!\0 |
| 331 | I invented skydiving in 1989!\0 |
| 332 | I joined scientology at a garage sale!!\0 |
| 333 | I just bought FLATBUSH from MICKEY MANTLE!\0 |
| 334 | I just forgot my whole philosophy of life!!!\0 |
| 335 | I just got my PRINCE bumper sticker.. |
| 336 | But now I can't remember WHO he is...\0 |
| 337 | I just had a MAJOR CONTRACT DISPUTE with SUZANNE SOMERS!!\0 |
| 338 | I just had a NOSE JOB!!\0 |
| 339 | I just had my entire INTESTINAL TRACT coated with TEFLON!\0 |
| 340 | I just heard the SEVENTIES were over!! And I was just getting in touch |
| 341 | with my LEISURE SUIT!!\0 |
| 342 | I just put lots of the EGG SALAD in the SILK SOCKS --\0 |
| 343 | I just remembered something about a TOAD!\0 |
| 344 | ..I just walked into th' HOUSE OF REPRESENTATIVES with fourteen WET |
| 345 | DOLPHINS and an out-of-date MARRIAGE MANUAL...\0 |
| 346 | A KAISER ROLL?! What good is a Kaiser Roll without a little |
| 347 | COLE SLAW on the SIDE?\0 |
| 348 | I Know A Joke\0 |
| 349 | I know how to do SPECIAL EFFECTS!!\0 |
| 350 | I know how to get the hostesses released! Give them their own |
| 351 | television series!\0 |
| 352 | I know th'MAMBO!! I have a TWO-TONE CHEMISTRY SET!!\0 |
| 353 | I know things about TROY DONAHUE that can't even be PRINTED!!\0 |
| 354 | I left my WALLET in the BATHROOM!!\0 |
| 355 | I LIKE Aisle 7a.\0 |
| 356 | I like the IMPUDENT NOSE on that car.. Are you a TEEN-AGER? \0 |
| 357 | I like the way ONLY their mouths move.. They look like DYING OYSTERS\0 |
| 358 | I like your SNOOPY POSTER!!\0 |
| 359 | ... I live in a FUR-LINE FALLOUT SHELTER\0 |
| 360 | I love FRUIT PICKERS!!\0 |
| 361 | --``I love KATRINKA because she drives a PONTIAC. We're going away now. |
| 362 | I fed the cat. - Zippy''\0 |
| 363 | I LOVE juxtaposing th' splendor of an unpopulated ARROYO with |
| 364 | th' SLEEK lines of ``NARCISSUS-X'', my new SPORTS UTILITY VEHICLE!\0 |
| 365 | I love ROCK 'N ROLL! I memorized the all WORDS to ``WIPE-OUT'' in 1965!!\0 |
| 366 | ..I must be a VETERINARIAN..\0 |
| 367 | I need "RONDO".\0 |
| 368 | I need to discuss BUY-BACK PROVISIONS with at least |
| 369 | six studio SLEAZEBALLS!!\0 |
| 370 | I once decorated my apartment entirely in ten foot salad forks!!\0 |
| 371 | I own seven-eighths of all the artists in downtown Burbank!\0 |
| 372 | I OWN six pink HIPPOS!!\0 |
| 373 | I predict that by 1993 everyone will live in and around LAS VEGAS and |
| 374 | wear BEATLE HAIRCUTS!\0 |
| 375 | I pretend I'm living in a styrofoam packing crate, high in th' |
| 376 | SWISS ALPS, still unable to accept th' idea of TOUCH-TONE DIALING!!\0 |
| 377 | I put aside my copy of ``BOWLING WORLD'' and think |
| 378 | about GUN CONTROL legislation..\0 |
| 379 | I represent a sardine!!\0 |
| 380 | I request a weekend in Havana with Phil Silvers!\0 |
| 381 | .. I see TOILET SEATS...\0 |
| 382 | I selected E5... but I didn't hear ``Sam the Sham and the Pharaohs''!\0 |
| 383 | I smell a RANCID CORN DOG!\0 |
| 384 | I smell like a wet reducing clinic on Columbus Day!\0 |
| 385 | I think I am an overnight sensation right now!!\0 |
| 386 | .. I think I'd better go back to my DESK and toy with |
| 387 | a few common MISAPPREHENSIONS...\0 |
| 388 | I think I'll do BOTH if I can get RESIDUALS!!\0 |
| 389 | .. I think I'll KILL myself by leaping out of this |
| 390 | 14th STORY WINDOW while reading ERICA JONG'S poetry!!\0 |
| 391 | I think I'll make SCRAMBLED EGGS!! They're each in LITTLE SHELLS..\0 |
| 392 | ...I think I'm having an overnight sensation right now!!\0 |
| 393 | I think my CAREER is RUINED!!\0 |
| 394 | I used to be a FUNDAMENTALIST, but then I heard about the |
| 395 | HIGH RADIATION LEVELS and bought an ENCYCLOPEDIA!!\0 |
| 396 | .. I want a COLOR T.V. and a VIBRATING BED!!!\0 |
| 397 | I want a VEGETARIAN BURRITO to go.. with EXTRA MSG!!\0 |
| 398 | I want a WESSON OIL lease!!\0 |
| 399 | I want another RE-WRITE on my CAESAR SALAD!!\0 |
| 400 | I want DUSTIN HOFFMAN!! .. I want LIBERACE!! YOW!!\0 |
| 401 | I want EARS! I want two ROUND BLACK EARS to make me feel warm 'n secure!!\0 |
| 402 | .. I want FORTY-TWO TRYNEL FLOATATION SYSTEMS installed within |
| 403 | SIX AND A HALF HOURS!!!\0 |
| 404 | I want the presidency so bad I can already taste the hors d'oeuvres.\0 |
| 405 | I want to dress you up as TALLULAH BANKHEAD and cover you with |
| 406 | VASELINE and WHEAT THINS..\0 |
| 407 | I want to kill everyone here with a cute colorful Hydrogen Bomb!!\0 |
| 408 | .. I want to perform cranial activities with Tuesday Weld!!\0 |
| 409 | I want to read my new poem about pork brains and outer space...\0 |
| 410 | I want to so HAPPY, the VEINS in my neck STAND OUT!!\0 |
| 411 | I want to TAKE IT HOME and DRESS IT UP in HOT PANTS!!\0 |
| 412 | I want you to MEMORIZE the collected poems of EDNA ST VINCENT MILLAY.. |
| 413 | BACKWARDS!!\0 |
| 414 | I want you to organize my PASTRY trays... my TEA-TINS are gleaming in |
| 415 | formation like a ROW of DRUM MAJORETTES -- |
| 416 | please don't be FURIOUS with me --\0 |
| 417 | I was born in a Hostess Cupcake factory before the sexual revolution!\0 |
| 418 | I was giving HAIR CUTS to th' SAUCER PEOPLE .. I'm CLEAN!!\0 |
| 419 | I was in a HOT TUB! I was NORMAL! I was ITALIAN!! I enjoyed th' |
| 420 | EARTHQUAKE!\0 |
| 421 | I was in EXCRUCIATING PAIN until I started reading JACK AND JILL |
| 422 | Magazine!!\0 |
| 423 | I was making donuts and now I'm on a bus!\0 |
| 424 | I will establish the first SHOPPING MALL in NUTLEY, New Jersey...\0 |
| 425 | I will invent "TIDY BOWL"...\0 |
| 426 | I will SHAVE and buy JELL-O and bring my MARRIAGE MANUAL!!\0 |
| 427 | I wish I was a sex-starved manicurist found dead in the Bronx!!\0 |
| 428 | I wish I was on a Cincinnati street corner holding a clean dog!\0 |
| 429 | I wonder if I could ever get started in the credit world?\0 |
| 430 | .. I wonder if I ought to tell them about my PREVIOUS LIFE |
| 431 | as a COMPLETE STRANGER?\0 |
| 432 | I wonder if I should put myself in ESCROW!!\0 |
| 433 | I wonder if there's anything GOOD on tonight?\0 |
| 434 | I would like to urinate in an OVULAR, porcelain pool --\0 |
| 435 | I'd like MY data-base JULIENNED and stir-fried!\0 |
| 436 | I'd like some JUNK FOOD... and then I want to be ALONE --\0 |
| 437 | I'd like TRAINED SEALS and a CONVERTIBLE on my doorstep by NOON!!\0 |
| 438 | I'll clean your ROOM!! I know some GOOD stories, too!! All about |
| 439 | ROAD Island's, HUSH Puppies, and how LUKE finds GOLD on his LAND!!\0 |
| 440 | I'll eat ANYTHING that's BRIGHT BLUE!!\0 |
| 441 | I'LL get it!! It's probably a FEW of my ITALIAN GIRL-FRIENDS!!\0 |
| 442 | ..I'll make you an ASHTRAY!!\0 |
| 443 | I'll show you MY telex number if you show me YOURS...\0 |
| 444 | I'll take ROAST BEEF if you're out of LAMB!!\0 |
| 445 | I'm a fuschia bowling ball somewhere in Brittany\0 |
| 446 | I'm a GENIUS! I want to dispute sentence structure with SUSAN SONTAG!!\0 |
| 447 | I'm a nuclear submarine under the polar ice cap and I need a Kleenex!\0 |
| 448 | I'm also against BODY-SURFING!!\0 |
| 449 | I'm also pre-POURED pre-MEDITATED and pre-RAPHAELITE!!\0 |
| 450 | I'm an East Side TYPE..\0 |
| 451 | I'm ANN LANDERS!! I can SHOPLIFT!!\0 |
| 452 | I'm changing the CHANNEL.. But all I get is commercials |
| 453 | for ``RONCO MIRACLE BAMBOO STEAMERS''!\0 |
| 454 | I'm continually AMAZED at th'breathtaking effects of WIND EROSION!!\0 |
| 455 | I'm CONTROLLED by the CIA!! EVERYONE is controlled by the CIA!!\0 |
| 456 | I'm definitely not in Omaha!\0 |
| 457 | I'm DESPONDENT... I hope there's something DEEP-FRIED under this |
| 458 | miniature DOMED STADIUM...\0 |
| 459 | I'm dressing up in an ill-fitting IVY-LEAGUE SUIT!! Too late...\0 |
| 460 | I'm EMOTIONAL now because I have MERCHANDISING CLOUT!!\0 |
| 461 | I'm encased in the lining of a pure pork sausage!!\0 |
| 462 | I'm EXCITED!! I want a FLANK STEAK WEEK-END!! I think I'm JULIA |
| 463 | CHILD!!\0 |
| 464 | I'm GLAD I remembered to XEROX all my UNDERSHIRTS!!\0 |
| 465 | I'm gliding over a NUCLEAR WASTE DUMP near ATLANTA, Georgia!!\0 |
| 466 | I'm having a BIG BANG THEORY!!\0 |
| 467 | I'm having a MID-WEEK CRISIS!\0 |
| 468 | I'm having a RELIGIOUS EXPERIENCE.. and I don't take any DRUGS\0 |
| 469 | I'm having a tax-deductible experience! I need an energy crunch!!\0 |
| 470 | I'm having an emotional outburst!!\0 |
| 471 | I'm having an EMOTIONAL OUTBURST!! But, uh, WHY is there a WAFFLE |
| 472 | in my PAJAMA POCKET??\0 |
| 473 | I'm having BEAUTIFUL THOUGHTS about the INSIPID WIVES |
| 474 | of smug and wealthy CORPORATE LAWYERS..\0 |
| 475 | I'm having fun HITCHHIKING to CINCINNATI or FAR ROCKAWAY!!\0 |
| 476 | .. I'm IMAGINING a sensuous GIRAFFE, CAVORTING in the BACK ROOM |
| 477 | of a KOSHER DELI --\0 |
| 478 | I'm in a twist contest!! I'm in a bathtub! It's on Mars!! I'm in |
| 479 | tip-top condition!\0 |
| 480 | I'm in ATLANTIC CITY riding in a comfortable ROLLING CHAIR...\0 |
| 481 | I'm in direct contact with many advanced fun CONCEPTS.\0 |
| 482 | I'm in DISGUISE as a BAGGAGE CHECKER....I can watch the house, if it's |
| 483 | ORANGE...\0 |
| 484 | I'm in LOVE with DON KNOTTS!!\0 |
| 485 | I'm into SOFTWARE!\0 |
| 486 | I'm losing my hair..did it go to ATLANTIC CITY??\0 |
| 487 | I'm meditating on the FORMALDEHYDE and the ASBESTOS leaking into my |
| 488 | PERSONAL SPACE!!\0 |
| 489 | I'm MENTALLY here.. but PHYSICALLY I'm purchasing NAUGAHYDE furniture |
| 490 | in the' SUBURBS of PHOENIX!!\0 |
| 491 | I'm mentally OVERDRAWN! What's that SIGNPOST up ahead? |
| 492 | Where's ROD STERLING when you really need him?\0 |
| 493 | I'm not an Iranian!! I voted for Dianne Feinstein!!\0 |
| 494 | I'm not available for comment..\0 |
| 495 | I'm pretending I'm pulling in a TROUT! Am I doing it correctly??\0 |
| 496 | I'm pretending that we're all watching PHIL SILVERS |
| 497 | instead of RICARDO MONTALBAN!\0 |
| 498 | I'm protected by a ROLL-ON I rented from AVIS..\0 |
| 499 | I'm QUIETLY reading the latest issue of ``BOWLING WORLD'' |
| 500 | while my wife and two children stand QUIETLY BY..\0 |
| 501 | I'm rated PG-34!!\0 |
| 502 | I'm receiving a coded message from EUBIE BLAKE!!\0 |
| 503 | I'm RELIGIOUS!! I love a man with a HAIRPIECE!! |
| 504 | Equip me with MISSILES!!\0 |
| 505 | I'm reporting for duty as a modern person. I want to do |
| 506 | the Latin Hustle now!\0 |
| 507 | I'm shaving!! I'M SHAVING!!\0 |
| 508 | I'm sitting on my SPEED QUEEN.. To me, it's ENJOYABLE.. |
| 509 | I'm WARM.. I'm VIBRATORY..\0 |
| 510 | I'm thinking about DIGITAL READ-OUT systems and |
| 511 | computer-generated IMAGE FORMATIONS..\0 |
| 512 | I'm totally DESPONDENT over the LIBYAN situation and the price of CHICKEN..\0 |
| 513 | I'm using my X-RAY VISION to obtain a rare glimpse of the |
| 514 | INNER WORKINGS of this POTATO!!\0 |
| 515 | I'm wearing PAMPERS!!\0 |
| 516 | I'm wet! I'm wild!\0 |
| 517 | I'm working under the direct orders of WAYNE NEWTON to deport |
| 518 | consenting adults!\0 |
| 519 | I'm young.. I'm HEALTHY.. I can HIKE THRU CAPT GROGAN'S LUMBAR REGIONS!\0 |
| 520 | I'm ZIPPY the PINHEAD and I'm totally committed to the festive mode.\0 |
| 521 | I'm ZIPPY!! Are we having FUN yet??\0 |
| 522 | I've been WRITING to SOPHIA LOREN every 45 MINUTES since JANUARY 1ST!!\0 |
| 523 | I've got a COUSIN who works in the GARMENT DISTRICT...\0 |
| 524 | I've got an IDEA!! Why don't I STARE at you so HARD, |
| 525 | you forget your SOCIAL SECURITY NUMBER!!\0 |
| 526 | I've got to get these SNACK CAKES to NEWARK by DAWN!!\0 |
| 527 | I've gotta GO, now!! I wanta tell you you're a GREAT bunch of guys |
| 528 | but you ought to CHANGE your UNDERWEAR more often!!\0 |
| 529 | I've read SEVEN MILLION books!!\0 |
| 530 | .. ich bin in einem dusenjet ins jahr 53 vor chr... |
| 531 | ich lande im antiken Rom... einige gladiatoren spielen scrabble... |
| 532 | ich rieche PIZZA...\0 |
| 533 | If a person is FAMOUS in this country, they have to go on the ROAD |
| 534 | for MONTHS at a time and have their name misspelled on the SIDE |
| 535 | of a GREYHOUND SCENICRUISER!!\0 |
| 536 | If elected, Zippy pledges to each and every American |
| 537 | a 55-year-old houseboy...\0 |
| 538 | If I am elected no one will ever have to do their laundry again!\0 |
| 539 | If I am elected, the concrete barriers around the WHITE HOUSE |
| 540 | will be replaced by tasteful foam replicas of ANN MARGARET!\0 |
| 541 | .. If I cover this entire WALL with MAZOLA, wdo I have to give my |
| 542 | AGENT ten per cent??\0 |
| 543 | If I felt any more SOPHISTICATED I would DIE of EMBARRASSMENT!\0 |
| 544 | If I had a Q-TIP, I could prevent th'collapse of NEGOTIATIONS!!\0 |
| 545 | .. If I had heart failure right now, I couldn't be a more fortunate man!!\0 |
| 546 | If I have enough money to buy 5,000 CANS of NOODLE-RONI, can I get a |
| 547 | VAT of MARSHMALLOW FLUFF free??\0 |
| 548 | If I pull this SWITCH I'll be RITA HAYWORTH!! Or a SCIENTOLOGIST!\0 |
| 549 | - if it GLISTENS, gobble it!!\0 |
| 550 | If our behavior is strict, we do not need fun!\0 |
| 551 | If Robert Di Niro assassinates Walter Slezak, will |
| 552 | Jodie Foster marry Bonzo??\0 |
| 553 | If this is the DATING GAME I want to know your FAVORITE PLANET! Do I |
| 554 | get th' MICROWAVE MOPED?\0 |
| 555 | If this was a SWEDISH MOVIE, I'd take off your GO-GO BOOTS!!\0 |
| 556 | If you STAY in China, I'll give you 4,000 BUSHELS of "ATOMIC MOUSE" |
| 557 | pencil sharpeners!!\0 |
| 558 | Imagine--a WORLD without POODLES...\0 |
| 559 | Impudent.. Yet possessing a certain ALUMINUM SILICATE |
| 560 | overbite....Needs REDDY-WHIP!!\0 |
| 561 | -- In 1962, you could buy a pair of SHARKSKIN SLACKS, with a |
| 562 | ``Continental Belt,'' for $10.99!!\0 |
| 563 | In Newark the laundromats are open 24 hours a day!\0 |
| 564 | In order to make PLANS for the WEEKEND...so that we can read RESTAURANT |
| 565 | REVIEWS and decide to GO to that restaurant & then NEVER GO...so we can |
| 566 | meet a FRIEND after work in a BAR and COMPLAIN about Interior Sect'y |
| 567 | JAMES WATT until the SUBJECT is changed to NUCLEAR BLACKMAIL...and so |
| 568 | our RELATIVES can FORCE us to listen to HOCKEY STATISTICS while we |
| 569 | wait for them to LEAVE on the 7:48....\0 |
| 570 | INSIDE, I have the same personality disorder as LUCY RICARDO!!\0 |
| 571 | Inside, I'm already SOBBING!\0 |
| 572 | Intra-mural sports results are filtering through th' plumbing...\0 |
| 573 | Is a tattoo real, like a curb or a battleship? |
| 574 | Or are we suffering in Safeway?\0 |
| 575 | Is it 1974? What's for SUPPER? Can I spend my COLLEGE FUND in |
| 576 | one wild afternoon??\0 |
| 577 | Is it clean in other dimensions?\0 |
| 578 | Is it FUN to be a MIDGET?\0 |
| 579 | Is it NOUVELLE CUISINE when 3 olives are struggling with a scallop |
| 580 | in a plate of SAUCE MORNAY?\0 |
| 581 | Is something VIOLENT going to happen to a GARBAGE CAN?\0 |
| 582 | Is the EIGHTIES when they had ART DECO and GERALD McBOING-BOING lunch |
| 583 | boxes??\0 |
| 584 | Is there something I should be DOING with a GLAZED DONUT??\0 |
| 585 | Is this "BIKINI BEACH"?\0 |
| 586 | Is this "BOOZE"?\0 |
| 587 | Is this an out-take from the ``BRADY BUNCH''?\0 |
| 588 | Is this ANYWHERE, USA?\0 |
| 589 | Is this BOISE??\0 |
| 590 | Is this going to involve RAW human ecstasy?\0 |
| 591 | Is this my STOP??\0 |
| 592 | Is this TERMINAL fun?\0 |
| 593 | Is this the line for the latest whimsical YUGOSLAVIAN drama which also |
| 594 | makes you want to CRY and reconsider the VIETNAM WAR?\0 |
| 595 | Is this where people are HOT and NICE and they give you TOAST for |
| 596 | FREE??\0 |
| 597 | Isn't this my STOP?!\0 |
| 598 | It don't mean a THING if you ain't got that SWING!!\0 |
| 599 | It was a JOKE!! Get it?? I was receiving messages |
| 600 | from DAVID LETTERMAN!! YOW!!\0 |
| 601 | It's 74 degrees, 12 minutes NORTH, and 41 degrees, 3 minutes EAST!! |
| 602 | Soon, it will be TUESDAY!!\0 |
| 603 | It's a lot of fun being alive... I wonder if my bed is made?!?\0 |
| 604 | It's hard being an ARTIST!!\0 |
| 605 | It's NO USE.. I've gone to ``CLUB MED''!!\0 |
| 606 | It's OBVIOUS.. The FURS never reached ISTANBUL.. You were |
| 607 | an EXTRA in the REMAKE of ``TOPKAPI''.. Go home to your |
| 608 | WIFE.. She's making FRENCH TOAST!\0 |
| 609 | It's OKAY --- I'm an INTELLECTUAL, too.\0 |
| 610 | ...It's REAL ROUND.. And it's got a POINTY PART right in the MIDDLE!! |
| 611 | The shape is SMOOTH.. ..And COLD.. It feels very COMFORTABLE on my |
| 612 | CHEEK.. I'm getting EMOTIONAL..\0 |
| 613 | It's so OBVIOUS!!\0 |
| 614 | It's strange, but I'm only TRULY ALIVE when I'm covered in POLKA DOTS |
| 615 | and TACO SAUCE...\0 |
| 616 | It's the land of DONNY AND MARIE as promised in TV GUIDE!\0 |
| 617 | It's the RINSE CYCLE!! They've ALL IGNORED the RINSE CYCLE!!\0 |
| 618 | It's today's SPECIAL!\0 |
| 619 | JAPAN is a WONDERFUL planet -- I wonder if we'll ever reach |
| 620 | their level of COMPARATIVE SHOPPING...\0 |
| 621 | Jesus is my POSTMASTER GENERAL..\0 |
| 622 | Join the PLUMBER'S UNION!!\0 |
| 623 | ...Just enough time to do my LIBERACE impression...\0 |
| 624 | Just imagine you're entering a state-of-the-art CAR WASH!!\0 |
| 625 | Just to have MORE FUN, I'll pretend I am JAMES CAGNEY and I am having |
| 626 | a tense, UP-TIGHT EXPERIENCE!!\0 |
| 627 | KARL MALDEN'S NOSE just won an ACADEMY AWARD!!\0 |
| 628 | Kids, don't gross me off.. ``Adventures with MENTAL HYGIENE'' |
| 629 | can be carried too FAR!\0 |
| 630 | Kids, the seven basic food groups are GUM, PUFF PASTRY, PIZZA, |
| 631 | PESTICIDES, ANTIBIOTICS, NUTRA-SWEET and MILK DUDS!!\0 |
| 632 | Laundry is the fifth dimension!! ...um...um... th' washing machine |
| 633 | is a black hole and the pink socks are bus drivers who just fell in!!\0 |
| 634 | LBJ, LBJ, how many JOKES did you tell today??!\0 |
| 635 | Leona, I want to CONFESS things to you.. |
| 636 | I want to WRAP you in a SCARLET ROBE trimmed with POLYVINYL CHLORIDE.. |
| 637 | I want to EMPTY your ASHTRAYS...\0 |
| 638 | Let me do my TRIBUTE to FISHNET STOCKINGS...\0 |
| 639 | Let's all show human CONCERN for REVEREND MOON's legal difficulties!!\0 |
| 640 | Let's climb to the TOP of that MOUNTAIN and think about STRIP MINING!!\0 |
| 641 | Let's go to CHURCH!\0 |
| 642 | Let's send the Russians defective lifestyle accessories!\0 |
| 643 | LIFE is a never-ending INFORMERCIAL!\0 |
| 644 | Life is a POPULARITY CONTEST! I'm REFRESHINGLY CANDID!!\0 |
| 645 | Life is selling REVOLUTIONARY HAIR PRODUCTS!\0 |
| 646 | .. Like I always say -- nothing can beat the BRATWURST |
| 647 | here in DUSSELDORF!!\0 |
| 648 | Loni Anderson's hair should be LEGALIZED!!\0 |
| 649 | Look DEEP into the OPENINGS!! Do you see any ELVES or EDSELS... |
| 650 | or a HIGHBALL??...\0 |
| 651 | Look into my eyes and try to forget that you have a Macy's charge card!\0 |
| 652 | Look! A ladder! Maybe it leads to heaven, or a sandwich!\0 |
| 653 | Look!! Karl Malden!\0 |
| 654 | LOOK!! Sullen American teens wearing MADRAS shorts and |
| 655 | ``Flock of Seagulls'' HAIRCUTS!\0 |
| 656 | LOOK!!! I'm WALKING in my SLEEP again!!\0 |
| 657 | LOU GRANT froze my ASSETS!!\0 |
| 658 | Make me look like LINDA RONSTADT again!!\0 |
| 659 | Mary Tyler Moore's SEVENTH HUSBAND is wearing my DACRON TANK TOP |
| 660 | in a cheap hotel in HONOLULU!\0 |
| 661 | Maybe we could paint GOLDIE HAWN a rich PRUSSIAN BLUE--\0 |
| 662 | MERYL STREEP is my obstetrician!\0 |
| 663 | MMM-MM!! So THIS is BIO-NEBULATION!\0 |
| 664 | Mmmmmm-MMMMMM!! A plate of STEAMING PIECES of a PIG mixed |
| 665 | with the shreds of SEVERAL CHICKENS!!... Oh BOY!! I'm |
| 666 | about to swallow a TORN-OFF section of a COW'S LEFT LEG |
| 667 | soaked in COTTONSEED OIL and SUGAR!! .. Let's see.. |
| 668 | Next, I'll have the GROUND-UP flesh of CUTE, BABY LAMBS |
| 669 | fried in the MELTED, FATTY TISSUES from a warm-blooded |
| 670 | animal someone once PETTED!! ... YUM!! That was GOOD!! |
| 671 | For DESSERT, I'll have a TOFU BURGER with BEAN SPROUTS |
| 672 | on a stone-ground, WHOLE WHEAT BUN!!\0 |
| 673 | Mr and Mrs PED, can I borrow 26.7% of the RAYON TEXTILE production |
| 674 | of the INDONESIAN archipelago?\0 |
| 675 | My Aunt MAUREEN was a military advisor to IKE & TINA TURNER!!\0 |
| 676 | My BIOLOGICAL ALARM CLOCK just went off.. It has noiseless |
| 677 | DOZE FUNCTION and full kitchen!!\0 |
| 678 | My CODE of ETHICS is vacationing at famed SCHROON LAKE |
| 679 | in upstate New York!!\0 |
| 680 | My DIGITAL WATCH has an automatic SNOOZE FEATURE!!\0 |
| 681 | My EARS are GONE!!\0 |
| 682 | My ELBOW is a remote FRENCH OUTPOST!!\0 |
| 683 | My face is new, my license is expired, and I'm under a doctor's care!!!!\0 |
| 684 | My FAVORITE group is "QUESTION MARK & THE MYSTERIANS"...\0 |
| 685 | My forehead feels like a PACKAGE of moist CRANBERRIES in a remote |
| 686 | FRENCH OUTPOST!!\0 |
| 687 | My haircut is totally traditional!\0 |
| 688 | MY income is ALL disposable!\0 |
| 689 | My LESLIE GORE record is BROKEN..\0 |
| 690 | My LIBRARY CARD expired...\0 |
| 691 | My life is a patio of fun!\0 |
| 692 | My mind is a potato field...\0 |
| 693 | My mind is making ashtrays in Dayton....\0 |
| 694 | My nose feels like a bad Ronald Reagan movie...\0 |
| 695 | .. my NOSE is NUMB!\0 |
| 696 | .. My pants just went on a wild rampage through |
| 697 | a Long Island Bowling Alley!!\0 |
| 698 | My pants just went to high school in the Carlsbad Caverns!!!\0 |
| 699 | My polyvinyl cowboy wallet was made in Hong Kong by Montgomery Clift!\0 |
| 700 | My TOYOTA is built like a ... BAGEL with CREAM CHEESE!!\0 |
| 701 | My uncle Murray conquered Egypt in 53 B.C. And I can prove it too!!\0 |
| 702 | .. My vaseline is RUNNING...\0 |
| 703 | NANCY!! Why is everything RED?!\0 |
| 704 | NATHAN... your PARENTS were in a CARCRASH!! |
| 705 | They're VOIDED - They COLLAPSED |
| 706 | They had no CHAINSAWS... They had no MONEY MACHINES... |
| 707 | They did PILLS in SKIMPY GRASS SKIRTS... |
| 708 | Nathan, I EMULATED them... but they were OFF-KEY...\0 |
| 709 | NEWARK has been REZONED!! DES MOINES has been REZONED!!\0 |
| 710 | Nice decor!\0 |
| 711 | Not enough people play SKEE-BALL.. They're always thinking about |
| 712 | COCAINE or and ALIEN BEINGS!!\0 |
| 713 | NOT fucking!! Also not a PACKAGE of LOOSE-LEAF PAPER!!\0 |
| 714 | Not SENSUOUS... only ``FROLICSOME''... |
| 715 | and in need of DENTAL WORK... in PAIN!!!\0 |
| 716 | NOW do I get to blow out the CANDLES??\0 |
| 717 | Now I am depressed...\0 |
| 718 | Now I can join WEIGHT WATCHERS!\0 |
| 719 | Now I need a suntan, a tennis lesson, Annette Funicello and two dozen |
| 720 | Day-Glo orange paper jumpsuits!!\0 |
| 721 | .. Now I think I just reached the state of HYPERTENSION that comes |
| 722 | JUST BEFORE you see the TOTAL at the SAFEWAY CHECKOUT COUNTER!\0 |
| 723 | Now I understand the meaning of ``THE MOD SQUAD''!\0 |
| 724 | Now I'm being INVOLUNTARILY shuffled closer to the CLAM DIP |
| 725 | with the BROKEN PLASTIC FORKS in it!!\0 |
| 726 | Now I'm concentrating on a specific tank battle toward |
| 727 | the end of World War II!\0 |
| 728 | Now I'm having INSIPID THOUGHTS about the beautiful, round |
| 729 | wives of HOLLYWOOD MOVIE MOGULS encased in PLEXIGLASS CARS |
| 730 | and being approached by SMALL BOYS selling FRUIT..\0 |
| 731 | Now I'm telling MISS PIGGY about MONEY MARKET FUNDS!\0 |
| 732 | .. Now KEN and BARBIE are PERMANENTLY ADDICTED to MIND-ALTERING DRUGS..\0 |
| 733 | Now KEN is having a MENTAL CRISIS beacuse his "R.V." PAYMENTS are |
| 734 | OVER-DUE!!\0 |
| 735 | Now my EMOTIONAL RESOURCES are heavily committed to 23% of the |
| 736 | SMELTING and REFINING industry of the state of NEVADA!!\0 |
| 737 | Now that I have my ``APPLE,'' I comprehend COST ACCOUNTING!!\0 |
| 738 | Now that we're in LOVE, you can BUY this GOLDFISH for a 48% DISCOUNT.\0 |
| 739 | Now, I think it would be GOOD to buy FIVE or SIX STUDEBAKERS |
| 740 | and CRUISE for ARTIFICIAL FLAVORING!!\0 |
| 741 | NOW, I'm supposed to SCRAMBLE two, and HOLD th' MAYO!!\0 |
| 742 | NOW, I'm taking the NEXT FLIGHT to ACAPULCO so I can write POEMS about |
| 743 | BROKEN GUITAR STRINGS and sensuous PRE-TEENS!!\0 |
| 744 | Now, let's SEND OUT for QUICHE!!\0 |
| 745 | Now, my ENTIRE LIFE is flashing before my EYES as I park my DODGE |
| 746 | DART in your EXXON service area for a COMPLETE LUBRICATION!!\0 |
| 747 | O.K.! Speak with a PHILADELPHIA ACCENT!! Send out for CHINESE FOOD!! |
| 748 | Hop a JET!\0 |
| 749 | Of course, you UNDERSTAND about the PLAIDS in the SPIN CYCLE --\0 |
| 750 | Oh my GOD -- the SUN just fell into YANKEE STADIUM!!\0 |
| 751 | Oh, FISH sticks, CHEEZ WHIZ, GIN fizz, SHOW BIZ!!\0 |
| 752 | Oh, I get it!! ``The BEACH goes on,'' huh, SONNY??\0 |
| 753 | OKAY!! Turn on the sound ONLY for TRYNEL CARPETING, |
| 754 | FULLY-EQUIPPED R.V.'S and FLOATATION SYSTEMS!!\0 |
| 755 | Okay, BARBRA STREISAND, I recognize you now!! Also EFREM ZIMBALIST, |
| 756 | JUNIOR!! And BEAUMONT NEWHALL!! Everybody into th' BATHROOM!\0 |
| 757 | Okay.. I'm going home to write the ``I HATE RUBIK's CUBE |
| 758 | HANDBOOK FOR DEAD CAT LOVERS''..\0 |
| 759 | OMNIVERSAL AWARENESS?? Oh, YEH!! First you need 4 GALLONS of JELL-O |
| 760 | and a BIG WRENCH!!... I think you drop th'WRENCH in the JELL-O as if |
| 761 | it was a FLAVOR, or an INGREDIENT... ...or...I...um... WHERE'S the |
| 762 | WASHING MACHINES?\0 |
| 763 | On SECOND thought, maybe I'll heat up some BAKED BEANS and |
| 764 | watch REGIS PHILBIN.. It's GREAT to be ALIVE!!\0 |
| 765 | On the other hand, life can be an endless parade of TRANSSEXUAL |
| 766 | QUILTING BEES aboard a cruise ship to DISNEYWORLD |
| 767 | if only we let it!!\0 |
| 768 | On the road, ZIPPY is a pinhead without a purpose, but never |
| 769 | without a POINT.\0 |
| 770 | .. Once upon a time, four AMPHIBIOUS HOG CALLERS attacked a family |
| 771 | of DEFENSELESS, SENSITIVE COIN COLLECTORS and brought DOWN their |
| 772 | PROPERTY VALUES!!\0 |
| 773 | Once, there was NO fun... This was before MENU planning, |
| 774 | FASHION statements or NAUTILUS equipment... |
| 775 | Then, in 1985.. FUN was completely encoded in this tiny MICROCHIP.. |
| 776 | It contain 14,768 vaguely amusing SIT-COM pilots!! |
| 777 | We had to wait FOUR BILLION years but we finally got JERRY LEWIS, |
| 778 | MTV and a large selection of creme-filled snack cakes!\0 |
| 779 | .. One FISHWICH coming up!!\0 |
| 780 | ONE: I will donate my entire ``BABY HUEY'' comic book collection |
| 781 | to the downtown PLASMA CENTER.. |
| 782 | TWO: I won't START a BAND called ``KHADAFY & THE HIT SQUAD''.. |
| 783 | THREE: I won't ever TUMBLE DRY my FOX TERRIER again!!\0 |
| 784 | .. or were you driving the PONTIAC that HONKED at me |
| 785 | in MIAMI last Tuesday?\0 |
| 786 | Our father who art in heaven.. I sincerely pray that SOMEBODY |
| 787 | at this table will PAY for my SHREDDED WHAT and ENGLISH MUFFIN.. |
| 788 | and also leave a GENEROUS TIP...\0 |
| 789 | .. over in west Philadelphia a puppy is vomiting..\0 |
| 790 | OVER the undertow! UNDER the overpass! Around the FUTURE |
| 791 | and BEYOND REPAIR!!\0 |
| 792 | PARDON me, am I speaking ENGLISH?\0 |
| 793 | Pardon me, but do you know what it means to be TRULY ONE |
| 794 | with your BOOTH!\0 |
| 795 | PEGGY FLEMING is stealing BASKET BALLS to feed the babies in VERMONT.\0 |
| 796 | ...PENGUINS are floating by...\0 |
| 797 | PIZZA!!\0 |
| 798 | Place me on a BUFFER counter while you BELITTLE several BELLHOPS |
| 799 | in the Trianon Room!! Let me one of your SUBSIDIARIES!\0 |
| 800 | Please come home with me... I have Tylenol!!\0 |
| 801 | Psychoanalysis?? I thought this was a nude rap session!!!\0 |
| 802 | PUMP UP th' VOLUME! My BAGEL TOASTER is in tune with th' UNIVERSAL LIFE |
| 803 | FORCE!!\0 |
| 804 | PUNK ROCK!! DISCO DUCK!! BIRTH CONTROL!!\0 |
| 805 | Put FIVE DOZEN red GIRDLES in each CIRCULAR OPENING!!\0 |
| 806 | Quick, sing me the BUDAPEST NATIONAL ANTHEM!!\0 |
| 807 | QUIET!! I'm being CREATIVE!! Is it GREAT yet? It's s'posed to |
| 808 | SMOKEY THE BEAR...\0 |
| 809 | RELATIVES!!\0 |
| 810 | RELAX!! ... This is gonna be a HEALING EXPERIENCE!! Besides, |
| 811 | I work for DING DONGS!\0 |
| 812 | Remember, if you try to ESCAPE, many APARTMENT HOPPING ALCOHOLICS will |
| 813 | SIMONIZE your HALLWAYS!! This is your LAST WARNING!!\0 |
| 814 | Remember, in 2039, MOUSSE & PASTA will be available |
| 815 | ONLY by prescription!!\0 |
| 816 | RHAPSODY in Glue!\0 |
| 817 | SANTA CLAUS comes down a FIRE ESCAPE wearing bright |
| 818 | blue LEG WARMERS.. He scrubs the POPE with a mild |
| 819 | soap or detergent for 15 minutes, starring JANE FONDA!!\0 |
| 820 | Send your questions to ``ASK ZIPPY'', Box 40474, |
| 821 | San Francisco, CA 94140, USA\0 |
| 822 | SHHHH!! I hear SIX TATTOOED TRUCK-DRIVERS tossing ENGINE BLOCKS |
| 823 | into empty OIL DRUMS..\0 |
| 824 | Should I do my BOBBIE VINTON medley?\0 |
| 825 | .. Should I get locked in the PRINCIPAL'S OFFICE today -- |
| 826 | or have a VASECTOMY??\0 |
| 827 | Should I start with the time I SWITCHED personalities with a BEATNIK |
| 828 | hair stylist or my failure to refer five TEENAGERS to a good OCULIST?\0 |
| 829 | Sign my PETITION.\0 |
| 830 | So this is what it feels like to be potato salad\0 |
| 831 | .. So, if we convert SUPPLY-SIDE SOYBEAN FUTURES into |
| 832 | HIGH-YIELD T-BILL INDICATORS, the PRE-INFLATIONARY risks |
| 833 | will DWINDLE to a rate of 2 SHOPPING SPREES per EGGPLANT!!\0 |
| 834 | .. someone in DAYTON, Ohio is selling USED CARPETS to a SERBO-CROATIAN\0 |
| 835 | Someone is DROOLING on my collar!!\0 |
| 836 | Sometime in 1993 NANCY SINATRA will lead a BLOODLESS COUP on GUAM!!\0 |
| 837 | Sometimes a TABOO is just a good CIGAR -- or a |
| 838 | rare STEAK -- or a dry MARTINI!\0 |
| 839 | Somewhere in DOWNTOWN BURBANK a prostitute is OVERCOOKING a LAMB CHOP!!\0 |
| 840 | Somewhere in suburban Honolulu, an unemployed bellhop is whipping up |
| 841 | a batch of illegal psilocybin chop suey!!\0 |
| 842 | Somewhere in Tenafly, New Jersey, a chiropractor is viewing |
| 843 | ``Leave it to Beaver''!\0 |
| 844 | Sorry, wrong ZIP CODE!!\0 |
| 845 | Spreading peanut butter reminds me of opera!! I wonder why?\0 |
| 846 | TAILFINS!! ...click...\0 |
| 847 | Talking Pinhead Blues: |
| 848 | Oh, I LOST my ``HELLO KITTY'' DOLL and I get BAD reception on |
| 849 | channel TWENTY-SIX!! |
| 850 | Th'HOSTESS FACTORY is closin' down and I just heard ZASU PITTS |
| 851 | has been DEAD for YEARS.. (sniff) |
| 852 | My PLATFORM SHOE collection was CHEWED up by th'dog, ALEXANDER |
| 853 | HAIG won't let me take a SHOWER 'til Easter.. (snurf) |
| 854 | So I went to the kitchen, but WALNUT PANELING whup me |
| 855 | upside mah HAID!! (on no, no, no.. Heh, heh)\0 |
| 856 | TAPPING? You POLITICIANS! Don't you realize that the END of the |
| 857 | ``Wash Cycle'' is a TREASURED MOMENT for most people?!\0 |
| 858 | TATTOOED MIDGETS are using ALFREDO in their SALAMI FACTORY!\0 |
| 859 | Tex SEX! The HOME of WHEELS! The dripping of COFFEE!! Take me |
| 860 | to Minnesota but don't EMBARRASS me!!\0 |
| 861 | Th' MIND is the Pizza Palace of th' SOUL\0 |
| 862 | Th' PINK SOCK... soaking... soaking... soaking... |
| 863 | Th' PINK SOCK... washing... washing... washing... |
| 864 | Th' PINK SOCK... rinsing... rinsing... rinsing...\0 |
| 865 | Thank god!!.. It's HENNY YOUNGMAN!!\0 |
| 866 | That's a decision that can only be made between you & SY SPERLING!!\0 |
| 867 | The appreciation of the average visual graphisticator alone is worth |
| 868 | the whole suaveness and decadence which abounds!!\0 |
| 869 | The entire CHINESE WOMEN'S VOLLEYBALL TEAM all share ONE personality -- |
| 870 | and have since BIRTH!!\0 |
| 871 | The fact that 47 PEOPLE are yelling and sweat is cascading |
| 872 | down my SPINAL COLUMN is fairly enjoyable!!\0 |
| 873 | The FALAFEL SANDWICH lands on my HEAD and I become a VEGETARIAN...\0 |
| 874 | .. the HIGHWAY is made out of LIME JELLO and my HONDA |
| 875 | is a barbequed OYSTER! Yum!\0 |
| 876 | The Korean War must have been fun.\0 |
| 877 | "THE LITTLE PINK FLESH SISTERS," I saw them at th' FLUORESCENT BULB |
| 878 | MAKERS CONVENTION...\0 |
| 879 | The LOGARITHM of an ISOSCELES TRIANGLE is TUESDAY WELD!!\0 |
| 880 | .. the MYSTERIANS are in here with my CORDUROY SOAP DISH!!\0 |
| 881 | The Osmonds! You are all Osmonds!! Throwing up on a freeway at dawn!!!\0 |
| 882 | The PILLSBURY DOUGHBOY is CRYING for an END to BURT REYNOLDS movies!!\0 |
| 883 | The PINK SOCKS were ORIGINALLY from 1952!! |
| 884 | But they went to MARS around 1953!!\0 |
| 885 | The SAME WAVE keeps coming in and COLLAPSING like a rayon MUU-MUU..\0 |
| 886 | ..The TENSION mounts as I MASSAGE your RIGHT ANKLE according to |
| 887 | ancient Tibetan ACCOUNTING PROCEDURES..are you NEUROTIC yet??\0 |
| 888 | Then, it's off to RED CHINA!!\0 |
| 889 | There's a little picture of ED MCMAHON doing BAD THINGS to JOAN RIVERS |
| 890 | in a $200,000 MALIBU BEACH HOUSE!!\0 |
| 891 | There's a lot of BIG MONEY in MISERY if you have an AGENT!!\0 |
| 892 | There's a SALE on STRETCH SOCKS down at the "7-11"!!\0 |
| 893 | There's enough money here to buy 5000 cans of Noodle-Roni!\0 |
| 894 | These PRESERVES should be FORCE-FED to PENTAGON OFFICIALS!!\0 |
| 895 | They collapsed.... like nuns in the street... |
| 896 | they had no teen appeal!\0 |
| 897 | They don't hire PERSONAL PINHEADS, Mr. Toad!\0 |
| 898 | This ASEXUAL PIG really BOILS my BLOOD... He's so..so.....URGENT!!\0 |
| 899 | This ASIAGO-N-DRIED TOMATO combo would taste a lot better between two |
| 900 | plastic SIPPER LIDS!\0 |
| 901 | This is a NO-FRILLS flight -- hold th' CANADIAN BACON!!\0 |
| 902 | This is my WILLIAM BENDIX memorial CORNER where I worship William |
| 903 | Bendix like a GOD!!\0 |
| 904 | This is PLEASANT!\0 |
| 905 | This MUST be a good party -- My RIB CAGE is being painfully |
| 906 | pressed up against someone's MARTINI!!\0 |
| 907 | .. this must be what it's like to be a COLLEGE GRADUATE!!\0 |
| 908 | This PIZZA symbolizes my COMPLETE EMOTIONAL RECOVERY!!\0 |
| 909 | This PORCUPINE knows his ZIPCODE.. And he has ``VISA''!!\0 |
| 910 | This TOPS OFF my partygoing experience! Someone I DON'T LIKE |
| 911 | is talking to me about a HEART-WARMING European film..\0 |
| 912 | Those aren't WINOS--that's my JUGGLER, my AERIALIST, |
| 913 | my SWORD SWALLOWER, and my LATEX NOVELTY SUPPLIER!!\0 |
| 914 | Thousands of days of civilians ... have produced a... |
| 915 | feeling for the aesthetic modules --\0 |
| 916 | Three attractive BANK ROBBERS are discussing RELIGIOUS DIFFERENCES and |
| 917 | MAKE-UP TECHNIQUE with them!!\0 |
| 918 | Today, THREE WINOS from DETROIT sold me a framed photo of |
| 919 | TAB HUNTER before his MAKEOVER!\0 |
| 920 | Toes, knees, NIPPLES. Toes, knees, nipples, KNUCKLES... |
| 921 | Nipples, dimples, knuckles, NICKLES, wrinkles, pimples!! |
| 922 | I don't like FRANK SINATRA or his CHILDREN.\0 |
| 923 | TONY RANDALL! Is YOUR life a PATIO of FUN??\0 |
| 924 | Two LITTLE black dots and one BIG black dot...nice 'n' FLUFFY!!\0 |
| 925 | Two with FLUFFO, hold th' BEETS..side of SOYETTES!\0 |
| 926 | Uh-oh -- WHY am I suddenly thinking of a VENERABLE religious leader |
| 927 | frolicking on a FORT LAUDERDALE weekend?\0 |
| 928 | Uh-oh!! I forgot to submit to COMPULSORY URINALYSIS!\0 |
| 929 | UH-OH!! I put on ``GREAT HEAD-ON TRAIN COLLISIONS of the 50's'' |
| 930 | by mistake!!!\0 |
| 931 | UH-OH!! I think KEN is OVER-DUE on his R.V. PAYMENTS and HE'S |
| 932 | having a NERVOUS BREAKDOWN too!! Ha ha.\0 |
| 933 | Uh-oh!! I'm having TOO MUCH FUN!!\0 |
| 934 | UH-OH!! We're out of AUTOMOBILE PARTS and RUBBER GOODS!\0 |
| 935 | ...Um...Um...\0 |
| 936 | Used staples are good with SOY SAUCE!\0 |
| 937 | Vote for ME -- I'm well-tapered, half-cocked, ill-conceived and |
| 938 | TAX-DEFERRED!\0 |
| 939 | ..Wait 'til those ITALIAN TEENAGERS get back to their HONDAS & |
| 940 | discover them to be FILLED to the BRIM with MAZOLA!!\0 |
| 941 | Wait.. is this a FUN THING or the END of LIFE in Petticoat Junction??\0 |
| 942 | Was my SOY LOAF left out in th'RAIN? It tastes REAL GOOD!!\0 |
| 943 | We are now enjoying total mutual interaction in an imaginary hot tub...\0 |
| 944 | We have DIFFERENT amounts of HAIR --\0 |
| 945 | We just joined the civil hair patrol!\0 |
| 946 | We place two copies of PEOPLE magazine in a DARK, HUMID mobile home. |
| 947 | 45 minutes later CYNDI LAUPER emerges wearing a BIRD CAGE on her head!\0 |
| 948 | Well, here I am in AMERICA.. I LIKE it. I HATE it. |
| 949 | I LIKE it. I HATE it. I LIKE it. I HATE it. I LIKE it. |
| 950 | I HATE it. I LIKE.. EMOTIONS are SWEEPING over me!!\0 |
| 951 | Well, I'm a classic ANAL RETENTIVE!! And I'm looking for a way to |
| 952 | VICARIOUSLY experience some reason to LIVE!!\0 |
| 953 | Well, I'm INVISIBLE AGAIN.. I might as well pay a visit to the |
| 954 | LADIES ROOM...\0 |
| 955 | Well, I'm on the right planet---everyone looks like me!!!\0 |
| 956 | Well, O.K. I'll compromise with my principles because of |
| 957 | EXISTENTIAL DESPAIR!\0 |
| 958 | Were these parsnips CORRECTLY MARINATED in TACO SAUCE?\0 |
| 959 | What a COINCIDENCE! I'm an authorized ``SNOOTS OF THE STARS'' dealer!!\0 |
| 960 | What GOOD is a CARDBOARD suitcase ANYWAY?\0 |
| 961 | What I need is a MATURE RELATIONSHIP with a FLOPPY DISK...\0 |
| 962 | What I want to find out is -- do parrots know much about Astro-Turf?\0 |
| 963 | What PROGRAM are they watching?\0 |
| 964 | What UNIVERSE is this, please??\0 |
| 965 | What's the MATTER Sid?.. Is your BEVERAGE unsatisfactory?\0 |
| 966 | When I met th'POPE back in '58, I scrubbed him with a MILD SOAP |
| 967 | or DETERGENT for 15 minutes. He seemed to enjoy it..\0 |
| 968 | When this load is DONE I think I'll wash it AGAIN..\0 |
| 969 | When you get your PH.D. will you get able to work at BURGER KING?\0 |
| 970 | When you said ``HEAVILY FORESTED'' it reminded me of an overdue |
| 971 | CLEANING BILL.. Don't you SEE? O'Grogan SWALLOWED a VALUABLE |
| 972 | COIN COLLECTION and HAD to murder the ONLY MAN who KNEW!!\0 |
| 973 | Where do your SOCKS go when you lose them in th' WASHER?\0 |
| 974 | Where does it go when you flush?\0 |
| 975 | Where's my SOCIAL WORKER?\0 |
| 976 | Where's SANDY DUNCAN?\0 |
| 977 | Where's th' DAFFY DUCK EXHIBIT??\0 |
| 978 | Where's the Coke machine? Tell me a joke!!\0 |
| 979 | While I'm in LEVITTOWN I thought I'd like to see the NUCLEAR FAMILY!!\0 |
| 980 | While my BRAINPAN is being refused service in BURGER KING, |
| 981 | Jesuit priests are DATING CAREER DIPLOMATS!!\0 |
| 982 | While you're chewing, think of STEVEN SPIELBERG'S |
| 983 | bank account.. This will have the same effect as |
| 984 | two ``STARCH BLOCKERS''!\0 |
| 985 | WHO sees a BEACH BUNNY sobbing on a SHAG RUG?!\0 |
| 986 | Who wants some OYSTERS with SEN-SEN an' COOL WHIP?\0 |
| 987 | WHOA!! I'm having a RELIGIOUS EXPERIENCE right NOW!!\0 |
| 988 | WHOA!! Ken and Barbie are having TOO MUCH FUN!! It must |
| 989 | be the NEGATIVE IONS!!\0 |
| 990 | Why am I in this ROOM in DOWNTOWN PHILADELPHIA?\0 |
| 991 | Why are these athletic shoe salesmen following me??\0 |
| 992 | WHY are we missing KOJAK?\0 |
| 993 | Why don't you ever enter any CONTESTS, Marvin?? |
| 994 | Don't you know your own ZIPCODE?\0 |
| 995 | Why is everything made of Lycra Spandex?\0 |
| 996 | Why is it that when you DIE, you can't take your |
| 997 | HOME ENTERTAINMENT CENTER with you??\0 |
| 998 | Why was I BORN?\0 |
| 999 | Will it improve my CASH FLOW?\0 |
| 1000 | Will the third world war keep ``Bosom Buddies'' off the air?\0 |
| 1001 | Will this never-ending series of PLEASURABLE EVENTS never cease?\0 |
| 1002 | With this weapon I can expose fictional characters and bring about |
| 1003 | sweeping reforms!!\0 |
| 1004 | With YOU, I can be MYSELF.. We don't NEED Dan Rather..\0 |
| 1005 | World War Three can be averted by adherence to a strictly enforced |
| 1006 | dress code!\0 |
| 1007 | Wow! Look!! A stray meatball!! Let's interview it!\0 |
| 1008 | Xerox your lunch and file it under ``sex offenders!''\0 |
| 1009 | Yes, but will I see the EASTER BUNNY in skintight leather |
| 1010 | at an IRON MAIDEN concert?\0 |
| 1011 | Yes, Private DOBERMAN!!\0 |
| 1012 | You can't hurt me!! I have an ASSUMABLE MORTGAGE!!\0 |
| 1013 | You mean now I can SHOOT YOU in the back and further BLUR |
| 1014 | th' distinction between FANTASY and REALITY?\0 |
| 1015 | You mean you don't want to watch WRESTLING from ATLANTA?\0 |
| 1016 | You must be a CUB SCOUT!! Have you made your MONEY-DROP today??\0 |
| 1017 | YOU PICKED KARL MALDEN'S NOSE!!\0 |
| 1018 | You should all JUMP UP AND DOWN for TWO HOURS while I decide |
| 1019 | on a NEW CAREER!!\0 |
| 1020 | You were s'posed to laugh!\0 |
| 1021 | YOU!! Give me the CUTEST, PINKEST, most charming little |
| 1022 | VICTORIAN DOLLHOUSE you can find!! An make it SNAPPY!!\0 |
| 1023 | YOU'D cry too if it happened to YOU!!\0 |
| 1024 | Your CHEEKS sit like twin NECTARINES above a MOUTH that knows no BOUNDS --\0 |
| 1025 | Youth of today! Join me in a mass rally for traditional mental attitudes!\0 |
| 1026 | Yow!\0 |
| 1027 | Yow! Am I cleansed yet?!\0 |
| 1028 | Yow! Am I having fun yet?\0 |
| 1029 | Yow! Am I in Milwaukee?\0 |
| 1030 | Yow! Am I JOGGING yet??\0 |
| 1031 | Yow! And then we could sit on the hoods of cars at stop lights!\0 |
| 1032 | Yow! Are we in the perfect mood?\0 |
| 1033 | Yow! Are we laid back yet?\0 |
| 1034 | Yow! Are we wet yet?\0 |
| 1035 | Yow! Are you the self-frying president?\0 |
| 1036 | Yow! Did something bad happen or am I in a drive-in movie??\0 |
| 1037 | YOW! I can see 1987!! PRESIDENT FORD is doing the REMAKE of "PAGAN |
| 1038 | LOVE SONG"...he's playing ESTHER WILLIAMS!!\0 |
| 1039 | Yow! I forgot my PAIL!!\0 |
| 1040 | Yow! I just went below the poverty line!\0 |
| 1041 | Yow! I like my new DENTIST...\0 |
| 1042 | Yow! I threw up on my window!\0 |
| 1043 | Yow! I want my nose in lights!\0 |
| 1044 | Yow! I want to mail a bronzed artichoke to Nicaragua!\0 |
| 1045 | Yow! I'm having a quadraphonic sensation of two winos |
| 1046 | alone in a steel mill!\0 |
| 1047 | Yow! I'm imagining a surfer van filled with soy sauce!\0 |
| 1048 | Yow! I'm out of work...I could go into shock absorbers...or SCUBA |
| 1049 | GEAR!!\0 |
| 1050 | Yow! I'm UNEMPLOYED!\0 |
| 1051 | Yow! Is my fallout shelter termite proof?\0 |
| 1052 | Yow! Is this sexual intercourse yet?? Is it, huh, is it??\0 |
| 1053 | Yow! It's a hole all the way to downtown Burbank!\0 |
| 1054 | Yow! It's some people inside the wall! This is better than mopping!\0 |
| 1055 | Yow! Maybe I should have asked for my Neutron Bomb in PAISLEY--\0 |
| 1056 | Yow! Now I get to think about all the BAD THINGS I did to a BOWLING BALL |
| 1057 | when I was in JUNIOR HIGH SCHOOL!\0 |
| 1058 | Yow! Now we can become alcoholics!\0 |
| 1059 | Yow! STYROFOAM..\0 |
| 1060 | Yow! Those people look exactly like Donnie and Marie Osmond!!\0 |
| 1061 | Yow! We're going to a new disco!\0 |
| 1062 | YOW!!\0 |
| 1063 | Yow!! "Janitor trapped in sewer uses ESP to find decayed burger"!!\0 |
| 1064 | YOW!! Everybody out of the GENETIC POOL!\0 |
| 1065 | YOW!! I am having FUN!!\0 |
| 1066 | YOW!! I'm in a very clever and adorable INSANE ASYLUM!!\0 |
| 1067 | Yow!! It's LIBERACE and TUESDAY WELD!! High on a HILL... driving a |
| 1068 | LITTLE CAR... I wanna be in that LITTLE CAR, too!! I wanna drive off |
| 1069 | with LIBBY and TUESDAY!\0 |
| 1070 | YOW!! Now I understand advanced MICROBIOLOGY |
| 1071 | and th' new TAX REFORM laws!!\0 |
| 1072 | YOW!! Now I'm playing with my HOLOGRAPHIC ATOMIC SIMULATION LASER |
| 1073 | pinball machine!! WORLD PEACE is in the BALANCE!!\0 |
| 1074 | Yow!! That's a GOOD IDEA!! Eating a whole FIELD of COUGH MEDICINE |
| 1075 | should make you feel MUCH BETTER!!\0 |
| 1076 | YOW!! The land of the rising SONY!!\0 |
| 1077 | YOW!! Up ahead! It's a DONUT HUT!!\0 |
| 1078 | YOW!! What should the entire human race DO?? Consume a fifth |
| 1079 | of CHIVAS REGAL, ski NUDE down MT. EVEREST, and have a wild |
| 1080 | SEX WEEKEND!\0 |
| 1081 | YOW!!! I am having fun!!!\0 |
| 1082 | YUGGA-HUGGA-BUGGA-TUGGA!! HEY-HEY!! A TRAIN STATION!! No, a POST |
| 1083 | OFFICE!! An OCEAN LINER!! No, I think it's a CAFETERIA!!!\0 |
| 1084 | Zippy's brain cells are straining to bridge synapses...\0 |